Once More With Feeling: A Look Back At 2007

Well all, here it is at 11:40 pm December 31 and since I find myself with a few spare moments on my hands and Copacabana on my iPod, I thought I should reflect back on the year. By month, of course.

January--I don't remember anything, but it was the beginning of a new semester and those are always notable for having paid tuition and health insurance, thereby keeping our kneecaps intact.

February--I remember February well, because it was at the very end of the month that we realized that Paul would not graduate if he couldn't come up with some World Civ credit. Luckily, Independent Study was there to bail us out (for a modest fee, of course). Charisse also got married and Heather flew in from Ohio, so I got to talk to her for a little bit which is always nice.

March--Something probably happened this month, I don't remember. Paul finished his Independent Study course though. Yeah for graduation!

April--I turned 23, which is a singularly unexciting age. The big news came a week later when we officially racked up Bachelor's degrees in History, Russian, and Biochemistry between the two of us and celebrated by not going to graduation.

May--I quit working for BYU and began working on digitizing the back issues of T'ang Studies. It was our 3rd anniversary, so we probably did something for that that. I'm not really sure. Maybe if you remember what we did this year, you could help fill in the gaping holes.

June--June was the granddaddy of all months. We moved out of our beautiful apartment, moved in with Paul's parents, attended my first Muhlestein family reunion, took the GRE, and on the 27th-29th flew half-way around the world to sunny, humid, currently FREEZING Taiwan. (Hey, 62 degrees is really cold when there is no heat, no sun, a lot of wind, and you're not moving around.)

July--Again, no memories, but that was probably a result of the 14 hr time difference and being throw to the hellions. The blog says we went to Bagua Shan. It's probably true.

August--August brought our first experiences with typhoons and squatters (my arch-nemesis). I stand by my original opinions of both fiends.

September--In September, we actually strayed from the work/home/food street intercity triangle to go to Lugang and Taipei. We had quite a good time. We also experienced our first earthquake, which I had flashbacks of on Christmas when a little 5.1 hit in the middle of the night, only it felt much bigger because it was in the next county, not across the island. Heather and Mark had their baby, which they told us about at some point previously. No one died and the emotional trauma seems to have been minimal in the long run.

October--October was a dark time. Morale was low, favorite holidays were undercelebrated, there's no need to dwell on it.

November--Let's see. Paul went to the dentist like every Saturday, I worked fitfully on my grad school applications, we celebrated a nice Thanksgiving with the Colonel, and we sold our souls to the Man.

December--Hopefully, you already remember what we did in December. There's no need to re-hash it all. I finished the graduate school application that had to be finished by January 1st, and the others are complete save that pesky writing sample which will be on its way shortly.

Overall, the highlights of the year would be visiting Taipei, making it through Buffy: Seasons 1-3 straight, and graduating, I guess. It's hard because applying for grad school makes it feel like I never finished college.

Well, midnight is long past, and only tomorrow is a holiday, so I'd better get moving bedward.

If It Ain't Snake's Blood and Vodka, It Ain't Worth Drinking

Dear All,

Well, I finally got around to getting some of those Sun Moon Lake pictures I told you about in days of yore. I'll post them shortly. Anyways, I was moving them off of the camera and stumbled across this picture of Unknown Canadian Boy (UCB) attempting to look manly by knocking back of shot of...something. I'm not actually clear from the photo, but according to Audra who was there, it's a taste-tastic combination of snake's blood and vodka she conned this Canadian boy into drinking. Audra actually had him set up with a triple shot of snake's blood, bile, saliva, and vodka for NT$100 (US$3.00), but I guess bravado can only take one so far. I must say though, it makes Snake Alley look far cleaner and less crowded than I imagined.

BTW, if you're a Canadian guy from Toronto who teaches English in Korea and spent the weekend before Christmas in Taipei in a hostel with a blonde Chinese-speaking American (or you recognize yourself from this photo), please send your pictures of Snake Alley to me, as I am told they are way awesomer.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas Now

Merry Christmas all! I thought I post some pictures of Christmas Eve at El Casa Americano. Here's our lovely little Christmas tree, complete with our presents plus the presents of one of our treeless roomies. The stockings hung above the tree (with care and lots of tape, of course) are ours as well. These are the decorations in the kitchen upstairs and this is our Christmas puzzle, completed in one night by myself and master puzzler Li. (Not coincidentally, that was also the night we finished the third season of Buffy.) For Christmas Eve day, we went to Tiger City in Taizhong (by taxi!) and dined at Chili's, which was glorious because it was the exact same food as in America, unlike that sell-out TGI Fridays. We did a little window shopping before hopping in another taxi and heading over Zhongyou department store to purchase dill and shortening at Jason's. They had neither, but I was eventually able to track down some shortening, so there will be rolls for Christmas dinner, although no dill dip.

Christmas was nice, though subdued. Paul and I got up around 7:45 am to open presents before he had to go to work at 8:30 am. Paul got a lot of books (including TwilightWatch, which he previously only had in Russian, and a collection of Edgar Allan Poe's writings including Annabel Lee), two video games, and Sunshine on DVD. I got a beautiful, wonderful, deliriously pleasant bookshelf and accompanying art/shelves, a very cool clock, a couple of video games, the Simpsons movie, some clothes, the Empresses of Constantinople (after three years of searching!), and Season 1 of Angel. Angel is a spin-off of Buffy starring the male romantic lead. We like to call him the Chest because his main character trait is that he apparently lacks the ability to wear a shirt for more than two consecutive scenes. He also broods a lot. Anyways, Paul went off to work and I got ready and then went to work. We kicked off about 1:30-ish and enjoyed much nappage and our Christmas gifts before commencing our personal Mission: Impossible--Christmas Dinner in Taiwan. It was a highly accurate re-creation, though Ranch had to be substituted for dill dip and the eclairs were from Casa Minierva instead of BYU Catering.

The highlight, of course, was talking to most of you all on phone. We miss you terribly on all special occasions and it was nice to be able to share in Christmas with our families, even if it was just for a few minutes by phone.

Merry Christmas!

Ringing in the New Year in the Western Hemisphere?: Pipe Dream de Jour

The above refers to a notion we've been kicking around El Casa Americano. You see, the replacement teachers don't have visas yet. Why you ask? Because they were denied. Oops! It's not like they're supposed to arrive in 12 days or anything. Anyway, we've all been mulling precisely what would happen if those visas never do come. We can't operate with only three teachers. Secretly, we all confessed that we would be delighted if the school had to close and send us all home. It turned out we had all constructed very elaborate fantasies of how we all could be going home. They all started with us ringing in the New Year atop the 101 in a massive party and leaving Taiwan the next day either for America or Thailand (because when can you see Bangkok if not at 3 am?). It will never, ever happen (except the Bangkok 3 am bit for Audra and Bridget and maybe the 101 party if we get the day off instead of Christmas Eve because the new teachers won't be arriving ontime), but it sure is fun to think about. I feel downright giddy now.

I know I shouldn't feel so gleeful about the new teachers' visas being denied, but it's hard not to because they were denied because of their own stupidity. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that if you apply for a tourist visa and check any box that doesn't say "tourism" in the purpose of visit section, you're not going to get a visa. Also, one of them is Belgian and I despise all Belgians on the grounds that our apartment is El Casa Americano, not El Casa Americano es Belga. It just doesn't roll off the tongue. Also, I'm not sure Belgians should be abroad at this time of national crisis. (That part is true--the crisis anyway--although I have difficulty taking it seriously. If Belgium were to disappear tomorrow, I feel civilization would somehow find the strength to bravely soldier on.)

Well, I should go rouse Paul. Someone must go to the water station. We've been out for two days now, but Paul stands firm on the idea that it cannot be our turn again until the roommate before us takes a single turn. I argee, but I would rather get the water ourselves and have it, and then mentally curse the slacking roommate for the next week. Thank goodness we have a private supply of water.

Prince Comes to Asia

Greetings, all. I've posted a picture of my lovely new glasses here. (The picture was taken on the fly by me, so it's not great. I took another one, but it was much worse. Available only to discreet family members upon request.) But we're here to talk about the glasses, people. They're purple, perhaps you've noticed. I find them very pleasing. Also, I think my picking them out greatly amused the other people in the store. When I went back to pick them up, the proprietor's child hid behind a counter before being dragged out by her mother. Would not say so much as a word to me, much to her mother's consternation. She was mightly interrogated in Chinese as to why she would not speak to me. Did she not study today? I felt bad for her. It's not like she was chattering away in Chinese either. Anyway, her father told me the glasses were great for college. Evidently there are, for Dad tells me all of his Asian students wear purple glasses.

Not Going Gentle Into That Good Night: The Swan Song of Zombie Shakespeare

Dear All,
I've come to call my laptop "Zombie Shakespeare" of late. I feel this captures its true spirit. Alas, Zombie Shakespeare appears to be not long for this world. It had been acting most peculiar--to the point that I downloaded Norton Antivirus to slay the apparent viral demons. Alack, Alack, 'twas not to be, for Zombie Shakespeare was not being cruelly tortured by the malicious creation of a bored sixteen-year-old, but by the mere ravages of age and underwhelming craftsmanship of Windows.
It began with a series of strokes three days ago. I would turn it on and it would take obscene lengths of time to load Windows, as opposed to the previously abominable time. Then, it would run every thing in staccato for the first, I don't know, hour. But if I stuck with it, Zombie Shakespeare would eventually shake off the dust and carry on.
Yesterday, however, the viral infection proved non-existence, the battery ceased charging at all, and Paul told me he couldn't get it to turn on. Things looked dark, but Zombie Shakespeare gutted it out with a little hand-holding. I moved all of the really important things, like my grad school stuff, the record of payments, and the Christmas episode of Bones onto my iPod. But in my heart, I felt it would keep going, though need repair.
Today, Zombie Shakespeare will not even load Windows, citing an "unmountable volume error." I don't know what that means, but it sounds bad and very permanent. It is also continuously trying to read the DVD/CD drive, apparently unable to determine there is no disk in the drive.
Oh, Zombie Shakespeare, you will be missed.

Zombie Shakespeare

September 2006-December 2007

Lugang Pictures

Here are a few pictures from yesterday's trip to Lugang. The first is the lovely shoemaker and I.

The second is the Tianhou Temple. It's a major tourist/religious attraction and houses a very famous statute of Matzu.

The third is a detail shot of the top of another temple, the fourth is an old-style house that is both well-preserved and inhabited. Quite a number of the homes are still lived in.

Next is the Nanjing Temple, so-called because it was built by immigrants from Nanjing. To the bottom right is a shot of the historical district. It's a really pretty area and a nice break from the endless monotony of concrete multi-story buildings elsewhere. For those of you who just can't get enough (especially of temples--interiors, exteriors, and detail shots), you can always ask me to e-mail you more pictures. I will also put up a pair of short films from the Mormon-loving fanmaker when I learn how to edit movies. The first is him at work and the second is a rapid tour of his store/studio, including the most awesome painting of the Salt Lake temple EVER. (I told you, he loves Mormons.) Li described as "the temple in the apocalypse, when it's been graffitied." I offered to buy it, but it was US$3000.

Powered by the Hopeful Lie

Well, the time keeps on flying by. Where did the month of November go? The weather is starting to cool off--I broke out long pants and long sleeve shirts for the first time this week as a "severe tropical depression" past through. It's still pretty warm in the day (upper 70s), but it's cool enough for a windbreaker at night. And of course, there's always that wind.

The pleasant weather and the buoyancy of our soon-to-be departing roommates have kept the living here nice after the dark post-Halloween days. I think we're living vicariously through them. It seems like chulupas are almost around the corner for us too. Paul went to a lot of trouble to fix us a special Thanksgiving dinner of KFC and mashed potatoes. It was sweet and delicious.

Work also seems to be less stressful. I think that's because I've completely sold out and become a slave to the Man. I'll give out super student to every kid every day just so I don't have to talk to anyone ever. I did draw the line at blackmail for the monthly super student. That was a 100% united front effort though. Although, I think one of them might have been purchased. I know it money was offered, I just don't know if it was accepted. I don't know if I even care. Everything changes on a dime anyway, I think we all just pay lip service and do only those things that are necessary to stay out of trouble and don't screw up our classes. Is this the secret to employment? 'Cause that's a little depressing.

My grad school stuff also seems to be moving along as well. My statements of purpose are done (although not sent in since my father-in-law is busy ripping them apart, for my benefit of course), my letters of recommendation should all arrive (fingers crossed), my GRE scores are sent, and my transcripts should go out next week. That's just a writing sample away from being completely DONE!

Well, I don't have much else to say, just the same old, same old here. I'm going to Lugang tomorrow afternoon, maybe I'll post some pictures afterwards.

John Smith, 1882? My Mistake.

Dear All,
The new laptop cord arrived today (the old one is still with the 3C man, should the part ever come in). Paul's computer should also arrive tomorrow, meaning we'll have to shell out the bucks to buy a moniter. At least it will be cheaper than it would be in America and one of those slender LCD ones. I see my last posts have just been scintillating, based on the record number of responses. Perhaps this gruesome story about the dangers of mixing small children, coloring, and Taiwanese food will help. An epidemic of "bathroom breaks" broke out last Friday, leading us to question what had been served for lunch (none of us eat lunch at school if it can be avoided. Not so much for sanitation, but taste). Things went to a new level today, though. Paul noticed a child--we'll call him Timmy--was sick, but he failed to pass this information on to me. I meanwhile was worried about another child, who was clearly in intenstinal distress, but would rather color with one hand while clutching his abdomen than go downstairs and get some medicine. Anyway, I have my back turned to the class to put their art folders on a table when I detect a most foul odor. I assume the child in clear distress is passing some gas, but it is so foul that I decide to send him downstairs regardless of whether he wants to go or not because something will eventually happen. I tell all of the kids to line up and that's when a commotion breaks out around little Timmy. He turns around to the deal with the kids yelling at him and that's when I see why the other kids are yelling. There is ...stuff...EVERYWHERE. It's hanging off his sweater vest, it's all down his pants, it's on the floor and his chair and my desk and everywhere. It was like a baby has a massive blowout all up the back and everything, only Timmy is five. Ughhhhhhhhhh!!!! Luckily, this is what support staff is for. I get on the phone and call the secretary. But I get Shannon, who is a great person, but who has no confidence in her English and is the less fluent of the secretaries, and my attempts at delicacy are lost on her. Finally, I am forced to lay it out very explicitly. This she understood and raced up. Meanwhile all of the kids are running around screaming "Poo poo! Poo poo!" which is not conducive to learning English. Were it not for their love of "Sally the Camel," I don't know if order would have ever been restored. Now, this all happened in my room, which concerned me since I had to teach in that room later that day and heaven knows that I had no intent of cleaning it up if it could be avoided. (Sorry, but I will not touch anything that comes out of the human body except blood. Yes, I've cleaned up after Max the Beagle, but only when it was absolutely necessary and it was still incredibly gross. Paul doesn't do dogs unless he absolutely has to and as long as I'm there, it's not.) Shannon was willing to hose down Timmy, but she disavowed any ability to clean the room. I chose to flee, which turned out to be a successful tactic. It's not as cowardly as it sounds since I still had to teach for another two hours. So, that was the highlight of my day, what about yours?

Oh, and since Heather tagged me, here are the six things about me. I took them from the first website that popped up when I googled "getting to know you questions." Oh, and I added on the answers from the "misrepresented and slandered" Paul for fun.

Question #1: If you could live anywhere in the world for one year, where would it be?
J-Answer: Taiwan, obviously.
P-Answer: Provo (because that's where his family lives. Say it together: Awwww.)

Q#2: If you knew could you try anything and not fail (and money was no object), what dream would you attempt?
J-Answer: I would become a traveling oceanographer, again obviously.
P-Answer: We are united in our ambition to become traveling oceanographers.

Q#3: What super-power would you most like to have, and why?
J-Answer: I would possess the awesome ability to add up numbers in my head. I desire this because I am incompetent in the realm of mental math.
P-Answer: The ability to break in film noir detective-style voiceover monologues without prior thought.

Q#4: What’s your favorite concert you’ve ever attended?
J-Answer: Well, it's a grand total of two, but since I think the No Doubt concert was the closest to the kind of concert the question had in mind, I'll go with that one.
P-Answer: I've never been to a concert voluntarily.

Q#5: Because you're lame, what is your favorite color?
J-Answer: My favorite color is sunshine yellow, which is why the interior of my sims' house is painted completely bright yellow. I look forward to the glorious day when the interior of my real living space will also be bright yellow.
P-Answer: Green, but I lack a strong preference.

Q#6: What one item in the kitchen best describes you and your personality?
J-Answer: The first kitchen utensil that came to mind was the green scraper thing from Williams-Sonoma. I don't speak English anymore, so I don't remember what it's called. I'm tired to doing all the work, so I'll let you tell me how this reflects my personality.
P-Answer: Bread machine, because I'm willing to put the extra effort in to be extra happy. (Ed. note: I have no idea how this metaphor works, but I swear this is what he said.)

Is This The End of Zombie Shakespeare?

Dear All,
The laptop cord has once again died, coupled with the untimely and unyielding refusal of the battery to charge above 15%. In short, we may again by incommunicado for a time. I myself am typing this post on a stolen laptop cord which must shortly be returned lest its owner begin asking questions. We took the cord back to 3C to try to have it fix again, and if I interpreted the man's Chinglish correctly, he is hopeful that it can be fixed another time. If true, we should be back up tomorrow. If not, well, how much does it cost to send a laptop cord via International Courrier?

New Photographic Evidence of Life!

Here's a couple of pictures so you all can have photographic proof that we are both still alive. Alas, Paul's is from the back because he was rapidly fleeing the camera, being the shy lad that he is. It's almost more a picture of the water heater than a picture of him. As for my photo, well, I just hope you enjoy the view of the back of Taiwanese apartment buildings as much as I do.

It was a pretty average week, but we had a good weekend. We both talked to our families on the phone, Paul had his weekly dental appointment where they finished his root canal and filled two cavities, and then we went to Taizhong in the evening. We had a near-American meal at TGI Fridays and hit the very trendy shopping district and night market. I didn't get anything, but I did try clothes on at an actual store. They didn't fit, but I could get them on--even after stuffing myself silly at dinner--making me feel like I could find clothes that fit me if I went to a store with wider range of sizes. It was a hopeful moment. We also hit Mr. Donut, where I discovered there is a place in Taiwan that understands a "creamy pastry filling" is mostly sugar and shortening, not just whipped butter. Then we hit it over to a Bed, Bath, and Beyond-style store where we purchased a laundry hamper (I guess the duffel/floor system just wasn't doing it for Paul), cheerful picture frames, and runts. I don't know why they were selling them, but they sure are tasty.

We wrapped up the evening at Jason's, the Western supermarket that we visited in Taipei. They just opened a second store in Taizhong last month. They were sold out of a lot of American speciality stuff (chocolate chips, tortilla chips, rootbeer), but we were still able to clean out the Dr. Pepper supply (which, unbeknownst to us, our roommates had drastically lowered only minutes before), get some real jam, and buy everything need to make a pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving! Hurray for Jason's!

Thanks to Paul's mom for suggesting we try to make mini pumpkin pies, rather than a big one in the toaster oven to prevent overdone crusts and underdone middles (which is a problem with cookies). Audra's charmed the heck out of the owner of the local sandwich place (Derek), who has now graciously opened his personal supply of cookware to us. He's making a German Chocolate Cake this week for her birthday. We're all very excited to try it, especially since he's making two. The first is an experimental version that he's going to try to sell in his shop. The version will probably be Taiwanified, as Derek expressed concern over the amounts of sugar and water the recipe called for, also this thing called "evaporated milk." The second version will hopefully be more delicious as we all convince him that Americans like the things their recipes make, so please put in the outrageous amount of sugar called for.

I don't know why, but Taiwanese folk don't seem to like chocolate, sugar, or salt nearly as much as we Americans do. (Paul says the word I'm looking for is flavor.) It's true though for everything but fried chicken from 3Q [flavors: original ("old secret spice," and black pepper), spicy (tons of red pepper and curry powder), meizi (popular Taiwanese flavor that is sweet and hard to describe. Everyone else in the apartment starts gagging at the mere mention of it, but I really like it.), curry (curry powder), and combo (blend of original and meizi flavor spices)]. The cooking here we've had so far is very light on herbs, spices, etc. I don't miss the salt (in fact, I mostly prefer it with a few exceptions like crackers), but I do miss the spices. And the cheeseburgers. Won't someone please think of the cheeseburgers?

Getting the Led Out

This is a post that I periodically think about writing, but for some reason I've never gotten around to it. But it's Friday night at 2:00 am, I'm not sleepy and Led Zeppelin just doesn't lend itself to the serious writing process (tweaking my statements of purpose).


Taiwan likes to view itself as a bastion of tradition, which it is, but not in the ways that I would have expected. I admit upfront, this is far from a random sampling, but the results are I think interesting. Taiwan is often portrayed as very family-oriented, with slightly larger families (3 kids) and strong extended family ties. Most of the kids I've polled (so 6B/5A, 3A, and 1A) really do live in a 3-generation household (grandparent(s), parents, and kids). Divorce seems to be fairly rare (even when it should exist, see below) Feelings towards grandparents across the board are very mixed, which I thought was a tad surprising. A few unabashedly hated their grandparents, citing either general meanness or corporeal punishment. Most were somewhat ambivalent, saying that their grandparents were mean to each other (which could make them unpleasant to be around), but okay to grandkids, though strict. Only 2 expressed straight fondness. One told me that she loved her paternal grandmother because she (the grandmother) loved girls, unlike her mother and maternal grandmother who prefer boys.


I hear the prefer boys bit from time to time. Usually it's from female students who feel their brothers are better liked, but it came up at school once when a family decided they couldn't afford two tuitions and chose to enrolled the boy over the girl. That was kind of an unusual case, as it was an extended family situation. The two were kettle cousins living with their uncle. One was orphaned after an accident, and the other was sent there after the parents divorced. This is the only case of divorce I am aware of within the school, although I can't verify how open the kids might be about it. Paul also has a girl whose brother is strongly favored by the parents, but it hard to know how much it is related to gender than the fact that her brother is a freaking genius.


Occasionally, darker sides appear. The principal told me one of my student's mothers was forced by her husband to quit her job at a bank because his mother complained that she was neglecting the children. One of Paul's students has a quite troubled homelife with his parents having "differences over child-rearing" that result in his mother periodically running away. (This suggests something far more serious than the run-of-the-mill "How should we encourage our son's academic progress?" conversation it was portrayed to be, but that's just my view.) We're fairly certain that the principal tried to encourage him in school by telling him his parents would stop fighting if he did well in school. We prefer to exercise more patience and a slightly modified approach.) It's hard when he's picked up in a Lexus SUV not to think about the difference between appearances and reality. Lots of our kids spend 6 or 7 hrs at school, sometimes as many as 9 hrs. And that's just at our school. While I can rationally explain things in my head, it seems very strange for a culture that prides itself on valuing family never to actually spend any time with them.


Audra's of the opinion that for all the appearances and extolling of the virtues of the traditional family system, it's completely broken down and is only held together by Southeast Asian servants working for slave wages. I don't know if I'd go that far, but it does seem like the lifestyles people are leading are conflicting with the values they praise.

Finally, because I don't want to end on a low note, I offer this quality bit of logic, mined from an angry letter at Eric Snider's website: "These days no one seems to care because they’re like “Oh I don’t care”. It doesn't mention oversized fedoras, but then no one can have everything they wish for.

It's A Holiday in Cambodia

Dear all,
I'm feeling more chipper these days, likely because I've finished (in rough but presentable for feedback form) my statements of purpose for my blasted grad school applications and won Guitar Hero III.

The statements of purpose were frustrating to me because I kept wanting to write "I want to come, I'm qualified, there's not a heck of a lot of other people interested, so why don't you just say yes and we'll all eat pumpkin pie shakes in honor of Thanksgiving? Everybody wins." But like I said, I finally got around to writing something and not thinking about it for a few days while my reviewers read over it and weep silently over how I could have strayed so far from the intent of the assignment.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, apparently Audra's pulling out all the cooking stops. The lovely purveyor of sandwiches in town even offered to let her borrow a real baking pan to cook a turkey in. Turkeys are incorrectly shown as chickens here, which bothers me to no end, but is really off on a tangent. Audra has a very elaborate Thanksgiving meal planned, which may involve breaking into the church (where there's a real oven, not a toaster oven!) or coercing the impressionable sister missionaries into letting us in. I'm not sure, I try to stay fuzzy on the misdemeanors of my roommates.

Finally, I rocked my way to eternal rock legend glory in Guitar Hero III. That's my character at the top of the blog, although I prefer the all black leather ensemble rather than the flame outfit she's sporting in the picture. I also play a SG guitar in "skyburst," which is a really awesome electric blue. Not that I like to toot my own horn or anything, but Paul hasn't beaten Guitar Hero III yet. I'm just sayin'.

Oh, and that fiend Paul is trying to convince me to spend $920 on a new laptop. I grant you, it's cool and better than the one I have right now (Duo 1.6 Ghz processors, a NVIDIA 8000 series video card, 1 GB of ram, 160 GB hard drive), but that's a lot of money. He is currently arguing that if we get it, he won't ask for his computer to be shipped, which will save $150. So the new laptop is more like $770, which is a great deal you see. This does beat his previous position that he would get me double-stuffed Oreos in exchange for the laptop. ("Those are the conditions of the deal," he said. "I will accept the purchasing of Oreos as a binding agreement.") **Paul wishes to state that it was more like someone walked into the store and began drooling over a certain laptop and he was merely trying to facilitate this person's further happiness by encouraging the purchase on the grounds that we have the funds on-hand.

Oh, here is a side note from a very funny essay by one Zack Parsons. Please do not search him out or seek for the rest of the article even if you are over 18, for he does not always use the cleanest of language. Trust me, I learned the hard way. It's from his "concise reference" on how to determine whether an interogation technique is or is not torture for the new Attorney General.
"The people asking you questions are wearing ski masks.
Unless you are being interrogated outdoors on a ski slope, ski masks are generally not an important part of lawful interrogation methods. A rule of thumb on this is if your interrogators are wearing any of the headgear worn by people you are supposed to shoot in Hogan's Alley [an old computer game] then you are about to get the *$%& tortured out of you. This includes black burglar masks, skullcaps and sunglasses, and oversized fedoras, but does not include police hats or old lady hats.
Somebody keeps trying to stop you from breathing.
On a scale of importance from one to ten I think it's fair to say that breathing rates about a 9.7 or 9.8. Maybe even a little higher. It's up there with "having a beating heart" and "not being on fire." When someone tries to get you to stop breathing, even temporarily, that's a pretty good sign you're being tortured. The other possibility is that they won't stop so you can breathe and they don't want you to answer any questions at all, in which case congratulations, you are just being murdered."

I don't know why, but the part about "oversized fedoras" gets me every time.

Tales of Disappointment (Me) and Bliss (Paul)

Well, Paul is almost done with his root canal and is reporting it to have been terror-free. He goes back in one week to get a permanent crown put on. (I think. I'm not really up on root canals and I slept through his Saturday appointment. ) Anyway, all's well on that front. I continue the monotonity of working, sleeping, and occasionally watching a video. It's thrilling, just thrilling. I wish we had only signed up for six months, so it really wouldn't matter that I'm just crossing off the days. If it was just six months, then I'd have six weeks left. That's a great time to feel lackluster about an experience.

Paul seems to be just peachy-keen. He's not sick, his teeth don't hurt anymore and he got Guitar Hero III, Tony Hawk's Project 8, and Virtual Fighter 5 all in the same week. So he's swell.

Note from the Editor

The post, "Taiwanese Root Canal Terror," is postponed until Saturday or possibly Tuesday. Apparently root canals are a multi-part process. We apologize for the inconvenience. Also, we finished Season 1 in two days. I'm just saying, that's rockin' good time with you don't get home until 10 pm.

-Jennifer

The Keys to Health, Wealth, and Success

Well, I spend the weekend struck down with the mightiest of colds. Stuck strictly indoors for two days and with a strong intent to polish my statements of purpose so I can get one step closer to finishing up my grad school application packets, I discovered the secret to success, health and dare I say wealth? Yes, and it is Buffy: The Vampire Slayer. I spent 20 of those 48 hours watching the entire Buffy-Angel arc from beginning to end. Now, I'm not going to say it was the best 20 hours I have ever spent, but it's definitely in the top 1. It was made extra-fun by the lateness of the hour (3:30 am baby. I've come to the conclusion that you never really adjust to the time difference.) and the fact that I was watching it with my roomie Audra. Audra is great to watch TV with because she gets just as involved in the romantic lives of fictional characters as I do. She figured out how the Buffy-Angel arc would ultimately resolve itself in a fit of convolusions.

"But..." (sits upright)
"Then..." (Slumps over)
"But wait..." (Sits back up right)
"And then..." (slumps down on couch)
"They can't..." (sits back upright again)
ARGHHHHH!!!! (collapses completely on the couch and possibly loses consciousness briefly)

I cannot tell you how much fun it is to watch a decent version of Romeo and Juliet with someone who is as big of a sucker for romance as you are. We even cried at the same moment at the end. Which, despite of--nay--because of its unrelenting melodrama--only a monster devoted of any semblence of humanity would not do. I look forward to tonight when we start Season 1 and keep the train going to until Season 7 (which is the final season). It should be treat. Plus Audra agrees with me that the Chest is amazingly hot and now we've roped Bridget into watching it with us. This so makes up for Halloween.

Oh, and stay tuned to a special "bonus" post tonight--"Taiwanese Root Canal Terror!" (Paul finally went to the dentist--he is there at this very moment in fact--and has a ton of fillings that fell out and need to be replaced and one molar that broke after the filling fell out and is now undergoing a root canal.)

Keep your stick on the ice.

A Truly Hellish Halloween

I see from the comments burning up my in-box that you found reading my last post as fascinating to read as I found living it to be. Perhaps then you will be more entertained by the following spine-tingling tale I like to call, "October 31, 2007--The Day Halloween Died." A lengthy whiny monologue was here, but I cut it for space. Suffice to say, our boss kept yelling at me, then changing things which confused the heck out of me. Why yell at me for not sticking to a schedule that you don't bother to follow or even skim? Children cried for various reasons, I almost cried for various reasons, it was just more fun than a barrel of dying monkeys with the ebola virus. Also, I went as an Uno Card. That's just for Mom, the rest of you gentle readers can disregard it.

None of this was completely unexpected which is why we had planned the most rockingest Halloween blow-out ever. But the sad truth is this. Halloween is no fun with no Halloween shows to watch, no Halloween candy, and no trick-or-treaters to say "Happy Halloween" to. Working a hellish job until 9:00 pm doesn't help either. It wasn't just me. All of us were pretty dead, despite all the Pizza Hut pizza and Coke one could binge on. It was a massive dud and for the first time, I really miss home. Apparently, I just don't want to live in a country that doesn't celebrate Halloween.

The Thrill of Minor Illness, Laundry, and Paid Employment

Sorry I haven't posted anything for awhile, there just hasn't been much to say. As the title says, I've been battling a cold and working 40 hours a week and not much else. Bridget and Audra went to Kending for the weekend, we did laundry. Ooohhh, I get goosebumps just thinking about the excitement of fresh linens. How could a beautiful weekend on the beach possibly compare? Paul watched "The Host" and "28 Weeks Later," which he recommends if you're Nick. We've developed a kind of comfortable business agreement with our local video lady. She overcharges us 10 kuai each time and we don't complain. She in turn doesn't charge us a late fee regardless of when we actually return the movie. We tried to see if returning the DVD on time prevented overcharges, but it didn't, so we decided we might as well keep them as long as we liked. Paul also finally consented to new shoes after I told him it was literally keeping me up at night. I don't particularly like them, but they are the proper size, waterproof, and cheap.

Oh, and we also saw "Stardust" last night. It was pretty good, and we learned that--like those punk Brits--the Taiwanese are much amused by men in women's clothing. Alas, much of the humor was through wordplay and apparently it didn't translate well. Since I bashed the British, I might as well make up for it by tossing in the following story. Earlier in the month, I ran into another Causcasian on the street outside the apartment. We had run into a few others here in Changhua, but they were all Kiwis. (New Zealanders can work without a visa in Taiwan for 6 months a year, so most of the English-speakers we meet are Kiwis.) Yet, as soon as this woman opened her mouth, it was revealed that she was not a Kiwi, but a fellow American. I was so pleased. Alas, it was not to be. Turned out she was Canadian. Later I ran into her and I almost addressed her as a fellow Canadian, but then I remembered that I wasn't Canadian. Now, if I can't tell the difference between Americans and Canadians, I think it's time to drop the charade and stop pretending to be different countries. We could call it the the United States of North America sans Mexico, or USNA for short. Quebec could take the opportunity to declare its independence, you could buy Clearly Canadian south of the border, and you wouldn't need a passport to travel between the two countries anymore (thank you, congressional legislation set to take effect on January 1, 2008). Where are the losers I ask?

I accidentally reserved train tickets to Tainan for next Saturday, so between that and of course Halloween and the Great Halloween Dyeathon, maybe I'll have something to talk about next week. Sorry for the excessive lameness, I think my Sims have a more exciting life than I do right now.

Finally, I would like to send special birthday greetings to Grandpa Bussio, who is now a respectable eighty-four years old.

The Virtues of Cats (As Told By Paul)

While I was admiring our neighbor's teacup Yorkie, Paul asked me what I was looking at. When I told him a dog, he scofffed. Paul dislikes dogs. A lot. I find this puzzling, since dogs are very friendly and lovable. In response to my assertion that dogs are good pets, Paul offered the following list of the virtues of cats.

1. Cats are actually lovable.
2. Cats are low-maintenence.
3. Cats are clean.
4. Cats restrict certain activities to a litter box.
5. Cats have a sense of personal space and decorum.

I think this says a lot about Paul. It also seems like an awfully harsh criticism of Max, if you take it in the reverse. I like to think of Max as too full of love not to want to spend every moment with you, even when you are in the bathroom. As for the location of his activities, well, you just watch your step. And it really wasn't his fault that I didn't bathe him as often as perhaps may have been desirable. Still, what's a little beagle funk in the summer? Is he to blame for having gallbladder disease and needing daily medication and the twice-yearly blood work-up? Surely not. Finally, I am sure we can all agree that no creature is more lovable than Maximilian Q. Bussio, daring member of the French Resistance.

Jolts of All Kinds

Today started as a reasonable day, but it quickly turned strange. I went in at lunch and met up with Paul. We went to the bank where we deposited a small fortune and then transfered it back to America. The exchange rate has really tanked in the last month, which is unfortunate from one perspective, but having fewer Taiwanese dollars make one American dollar is great when you're going from NT to USD. Anyway, that all went off without a hitch and we returned to school. My co-teacher graciously did opening for me today (which was great since I suck at faking enthusiaum about today being the 17th or whatever). The kid were drowning in clothing. Seriously, they were wearing pants and long sleeve-shirts or jackets, either of which was worn over a tee-shirt. Within 60 seconds of starting class, they were all dying of heat stroke. It's cooling down, but my gosh. You would have thought it was in the low sixties, not the low eighties. The secretaries are wearing jackets and scarves so they don't catch cold! The SPE kids were fine, aside from the constant dressing and undressing. (Less they forget their excess clothing they would put it on before switching activities, only to take it off again after arriving.) The older kids were something else. My kids--who are normally and easily the best behaved--were whiny, grumpy, and just plain mean-spirited. Kids who are never behavior problems were yelling at each other and hitting each other with intent to cause injury, it was just wacky. The problems in Paul's class were even worse. He had a 3A student (10 yrs old) who he had previously described as a "tiny geisha" because she is so very shy, easily embarrassed, and very giggly. She screamed, "F--- you!" at another student in class. (She defended herself by saying the student had said the same thing to her in Chinese earlier and that her sister, who is one of Paul's 5A students, had taught it to her. Her sister vehemently denied it and blamed it on the media. Just to round out the story.) While impressed that she chose to answer in English with spoken to in Chinese and with her flawless pronounciation, Paul nevertheless promptly sent her on a one-way trip to the principal's office. His 5A--while usually not pillars of unbounded English-learning glee--were downright prickly over having to do their work. I don't know what it was about today. Last week, all of the student had very serious tests in their Chinese schools, but I don't know why all the fallout would hit today and not Monday.

Worn down from dealing with so much unexpected nonsense, we opted to eat dinner at a restaurant. We ate at McDonald's. Even here, it's sad when McDonald's is where you go for a sit-down dinner. We rode home and were watching "In Good Company" and chatting with Audra over today-related wackiness when the doors shook and everything jolted forward and back. It was really weird. It was an earthquake that lasted 5 seconds, just literally long enough to move everything forward and back one time in a non-smooth fashion. Another 5.7. I checked and there have been five earthquakes in the last ten days. Ah well, things will probably quiet down for a while now.

Just a Quickie

Just a quickie post--Paul did get his haircut on Saturday, so I'll try to post a pic tomorrow. We are being "strongly encouraged" to teach more phonics, which is generally okay except for those devilish vowels!!! (You can tell I feel very strongly about this because of the many exclamation points.) I had to try to help these poor little Taiwanese kids try to sound out words to find the long vowel sounds. I felt so bad for them. Accents really, really, really screw with vowel sounds. Apparently, I too speak accented English because "huge" does not a long vowel "u," contrary to what the book says. (No doubt it was written by left-wing pinko commies from New England trying to impose their linguisto-tyranny upon the free-speaking world.) Seriously, just listen to it: hewge. It's an "ew," not a "u." Arrrgh. Just thinking about it makes me want to beat up my sole East Coast roommate. Well, that and she stole my laundry detergent--my good lavender, anti-fungal detergent--and dumped SPE set-up on me today because she couldn't be bothered to ask where the activity plans were. Grrrr. Now I really want to kick her in the shins. A lot.

Lies Upon Lies

Okay, so Paul didn't get his hair cut, which is why there are no before and after pictures. Maybe tomorrow morning or (who am I kidding?) Saturday. I know he doesn't want to take the time to get his haircut, but it is getting dangerously long. Soon a ponytail with be necessary.

Let's see. Any other lies I've published? I'm dying my hair on Oct. 30. My mind was pretty much made up when I solicited votes, but the appalling apathy of voters today sealed the deal. Shame on you, the voters of today. Your apathy will only lead to further tyranny of my life. I hope you can bare the guilt!

On an amusing note--particularly for Mom--Paul has an awful class on Fridays. The other days another teacher has them. Anyway, very early on Paul came to the conclusion that the only way to establish any authority was to bust the kid at the top on the social hierarchy so far down he would never see light again. This is how he described it to the rest of the us: "You have think of it like prison. You just have to shank the biggest guy around to survive." Now whenever I really bust down a kid--especially when it's as much as to send a message to the rest of the class as to correct that individual's behavior, all I can think about is "I'm just shanking the biggest kid. Sorry, [Name]."

No Ark Needed, Just a Bunker and A Haircut

Well, we all survived the typhoon just fine. It was just like I imagined a typhoon would be for once. It was very, very windy and a little rainy. We only got maybe three inches of rain, but the wind just decimated the small trees and bushes. It even managed to blow down a street lamp (the little residental kind, not the large street kind), which made a big mess because it fell onto a porcelain planter and both of them broke into a million pieces. Anyway, we were stuck indoors for 2.5 days (church was cancelled for once). As an apartment, we resorted to many card games to keep insanity at bay.

On an unrelated note, Paul is going to get a haircut today. He doesn't know it yet, but it's coming. I was looking at him today in staff meeting, thinking, that hair is way too long, it's got to get cut. I'll take before and after pictures so you can judge for yourself.

Building an Ark

I was informed today by a chatty kindergartener that another typhoon is coming. Surprisingly, he was right. (The little kids love to say the weather is a typhoon because they like to spin around, which is the weather song action for typhoon. Surely, this is all obvious.) Frankly, I am getting sick of these typhoons. They always hit on Saturday, so we miss neither work nor church. I have decided that I am no longer going to let these weather bullies walk all over me. I will move about unimpeded by all amounts of wind and rain. I am awfully tempted to move a chair into the courtyard and just sit there. Read, listen to music, grade, eat, whatever, just show that I'm not letting any typhoon muck up my one free day yet again.

Oh, and Paul wants me to put in a little bit about how Kiss Your Eyes is the greatest shop ever. We can't find his contacts (and we've done an exhaustive search of our one room and its whopping three pieces of furniture) and yesterday he knocked his glasses onto the floor and the screw came out. Thankfully, Paul had a lousy but doable single extra contact so he could teach his morning hours (instead of me, who is very grumpy when woken up after only five hours of sleep and told my work-free morning is in fact a 12 hr day beginning in 20 minutes.) He came home at lunch and we walked the one block to the nearest glasses shop (as opposed to the three others which are only within a five block radius). It's name is Kiss My Eyes and it's supposed to be very expensive according to our boss. I think she means by Taiwanese standards because two tables full of frames for $25 or less. They sell high-end designer titanium frames which were advertised at $60. I don't know if they are really D&G or Donna Karen, but they certainly look real. Anyway, we gave the assistant the pieces of Paul's glasses and she told us to wait a minute. It actually took several and the proprietor himself to fix the glasses (because they had somehow also become bent in the fall). Paul put them on and swore they were better than the day he got them. They declined to charge us (which was awfully kind, since it did actually take some work to fix them) and Paul has been singing the praises of Kiss My Eyes ever since. Paul says--and this is an exact quote--"it's given us the courage to try Taiwanese dentistry." His unbrindled optimism may also be the result of our roommate's batting average of .667 for effective medical care. (Audra had a sinus infection and her TMJ was giving her extra grief so she dragged herself to the doctor's [conveniently located next door to Kiss My Eyes] and a physical therapist and chiropracter. The therapist was a wash, but the others were fine.)

Jotings: Babies (Not Mine), Grad Schools, Top-Secret(?) Beverage Testing, Hair-Dye Poll

This is a bit of a catch-all entry of tidbits too small for their own posts, but interesting (at least to me) nonetheless. First is that our good friends Heather and Mark had their baby on Monday. A girl named Kimberli who weighed 6 lbs., 6 oz at birth. That's her (obviously) in the picture, along with her proud momma. And that's what makes this blog worthy. Look at Heather. Does she look like she gave birth at most five days ago? Does she look like a woman who has gotten maybe 24 hrs of sleep in the last week? A woman who has had to take her baby to the hospital every single day because it lost 6 oz between birth and the next day, although even though the baby is now thriving and gaining weight? No, no, and no.


I've once again hit the grad school applications, filling and exceeding my quota of stress for the day. I think it was easier to get a visa than to fill out Boulder's application. I'm not sure the actual process of filling out the application should weed people out. It's too cruel. In a twist of fate, I had read the NY Times article on the lengths students went to in order to get into college. It transcended ridiculous and entered the realm of insanity. So when I started stressing, Paul was all too quick to point out possibility of a similar obsession. You really should read the article, if for no other reason than to read the unbelievably pretentious name of "Winthrop Pierce Rutherford." (Knowing nothing but his name, I was praying that Princeton and every other Ivy League school rejected him.) I was not surprised to learn his family has a legacy at Princeton dating back to the 1770s. No one else would have the sheer gall to name their kid that.

Finally, Taiwan appears to be some sort of top-secret beverage testing site for Coke. The most beautiful of carbonated sodas appeared on store shelves last week. It's called Sprite Ice and it is awesome. It's all the goodness of Sprite, but the sweetness is cut by a subtle menthol aftertaste. I highly recommend it. Of course, it could be that Taiwan is considered not a large enough market for Coke to blitz with advertising, but is any market not large enough for Coke to promote new products? Word on the street is that is also available in Canada, so I'd make a run for the border come Christmas time.

Finally, my dye-loving roommates have convinced me that the superstrength hair dyes here can make me into the redhead I have longed to be. It was going to be the cranberry chunks I have pined for since high school, but I ever-so-pragmatically concluded that such an action would result in a new line being added to the policy manual, and that's something I don't want to be responsible for. But if it was a color that existed in nature, well....So, I put it to a vote, dear readers. Should I let my roommates dye my hair a "rich auburn" or stick with what I've got (dark brown hair with rapidly growing out hairlights, in case you have already forgotten)? Paul has already chosen to abstain, so no one else can try that.

Epilogue: Day Four

As you no doubt noted, day three ended with us back in Changhua. But we had a free day on our hands and besides, Changhua was feeling so backwater and our memories of normal, filling food had been stirred. So we got all adventurous and took the bus into Taizhong. It took an hour, which for some reason felt like FOREVER. This may have been because the bus driver kept getting off the bus to smoke and buy betel nuts. I guess I admire his adherence to the no smoking rule, but it disconcerning to see your driver leap off the bus and beginning puffing away at red lights. We finally found ourselves in our coveted, solidly American restaurant known as TGI Fridays. Paul got a tasty hamburger and I went all crazy and ordered the Kung Pao Chicken Wrap, as there no Jack Daniels chicken (or Jack Daniels anything) to be found. We sat in a window seat--which is where we always sit in restaurants because we are either good for business or cannot sit next to the Taiwanese patrons, take your pick--and enjoyed being in a sit-down place where what you got would not be a surprise. Afterwards, we visited the Chung Yo department store, which is like 12 floors in three towers. It's really, really big. In the process, we made two very exciting discoveries. 1)The toy floor also carries Sylvanian Families and for cheaper than in Taipei. They even had the updated version of the three story house (which I so had). Their selection was also way better. 2)Jason's, the mecca of Americanism where we bought Dr. Pepper and A&W Rootbeer, just opened in the basement! Yes, now it will only take 1 hr and NT$150 to purchase the two finest soda pops on the planet as well as all the Caesar dressing and Milanos we can eat. Surely, the good life is upon us.

Day Three: Accepting Defeat

By day three, we had given up all pretenses of roommately togetherness and were making our plans with no concern for others. We left our hotel at the very leisurely hour of 11 am and made our way to the Shilin district. After a quick metro trip, we found ourselves in a land of pleasant, cheap restaurants with names like "i like cake" and "Rosie's Sushi and Noodles." We rode a bus for some time into the mountains, which were very pretty, until we reached the National Palace Museum. The Museum claims to be the largest collection of Chinese art in the world. It's probably true. It's also surprisingly boring. With the world's best stuff, you'd think there would be some really nice things. At the risk of causing an international incident, the highlight was a visiting exhibit of Islamic jades. Personally, I was underwhelmed because the majority of the stuff was Yuan or later (1279-1911). Most of that too was porcelains, which are pretty, but montaneous. Only four items currently on display are from the T'ang. If you're really into porcelains or bronze ritual vessels, though, it's worth your time. (There were so many bronzes that at one point we jokingly theorized as the Nationalist government was fleeing China, everyone was given a ticket to Taiwan and an ancient bronze.) The Museum gift shop was also a letdown--although not a surprising one after the exhibits themselves. Still, I found a nice image of a buddha, which I pratically snatched out of the hands of an older woman. Oh sure, I was playing in cool, loitering in the background as she and a female companion hemmed and hawed over it. Then her husband lost all interest and the women put the picture back and moved away. I zeroed in and snatched it for the kill. It's a good thing I did. Turns out there was only one, plus the display. I learned this as I was waiting for the clerk to bring it to me and the other woman intercepted her. But I asked first and I got new picture. On the way back, we stopped at a food stall and bought some Nam bread (like a soft, freshly made pita) with sauce. It was incredibly tasty. Later that evening, we went back to the 101 and refreshed our Milano and Dr. Pepper supplies, having consumed them in the course of one day. We bought High-Speed Rail tickets home because we decided we'd rather spend $40 and be home in an hour than spend $18 and 3 hours on a bus. This also meant we could leave Taipei later. Unfortunately, we arrived in Taizhong so late that the buses (which are irregular at best) were no longer running (okay, and it was 10:30 pm). A kindly security guard "rescued" us and personally escorted us to the standard train station (conveniently located in the same building as the HSR station) because taking a taxi (for all of maybe 5 miles) would be too expensive. (For the record, it would not have been.) Nevertheless, no one was going to spend NT$110 on a taxi when they could take the train for NT$30. The train station was very fun. It was so small and we were the only passengers for our train. We just waited until a man came out with a flashlight and flashed the conductor. We got on and rode the maybe ten minutes to Changhua. I was most disappointed to see how really out in the boonies our city is. Chengqing, which has a train station, a restaurant that's only open for breakfast and nothing more, has a far nicer train station than us. Just to round out the evening, we picked our bikes up and went over to McDonalds for a midnight snack and then biked home. For those keeping tally, we used 1)the Metro, 2) our legs, 3) our bikes, 4) a taxi, 5) a bus, 6) a HSR train, and 7) a train. That's every form of transportation available except boat and airplane and six out of the seven in one day. If only we had gone out to Danshui, we could have added boat to the list.

Day Two: 10:30-23:00

Day 2 of Taipei: The Vacation began at 10:30 am, precisely 2.5 hours later than it should have. Thus our morning plans were ruined before the day began. Paul and I boldly decided to ditch our roommates, which turned into an excellent plan as we 1) visited the Shandao Temple, 2)Chiang Kai Shek Memorial Hall, 3) expensive restaurant section near Sun Yatsen's Memorial Hall, and 4)the Longshan Temple district. Meanwhile, our roommates 1)were ambushed by Audra's old mission president and pressed into service. Clearly, we got the better half of the bargain. Paul particularly liked the Shandao Temple, as it lacked the elaborate ornamentation common to Chinese temples and shrines. I liked it, because the nuns were more than happy to let us wander around and take pictures. (Temple pictures make me nervous, ever since the Matzu temple in Lugang politely showed us the door. Although, that was the only temple that has ever shown us the door, so maybe it was just that temple's policy, not standard practice.) The Chiang Kai Shek Memorial was a lot of fun. The museum was quirky, but enjoyable--unlike that ultra-low budget Sun Yatsen Memorial with its photocopies of pictures of objects. (That's true, BTW.) We overlapped a little with an English tour group, whose guide was informing them that if Eisenhower had listened to MacArthur and Chiang, there would be no North Korea. He also almost exploded from pride while naming every country that had given an honorary medal to Chiang. The restaurant section was a little disorienting. You literally exit the metro and there are four Italian places within 30 ft. Go an extra 30 ft. and you find an alley of nothing but Japanese restaurants. We ate at a tasty Italian place recommended by our travel guide and it was quite good. Paul got a really good pizza on super-thin crust and the Caesar salad was top-notch. Of course, I was charmed by the free--though warm, because cold water doesn't exist here--Evian. The Lungshan Temple district was probably the highlight of the day. We went at night, which made the Temple look extra-dramatic with all the candles and lit incense sticks. Of course, all of the gold everywhere helped too. It was packed with people and it was nice to be in a functioning temple, not just a historical relic. We were also able to get really close and hopefully our pictures from there turn out. While at the the temple, we saw a little girl (3-ish) take one of the divining blocks. Naturally, her parents were upset about this, but the girl refused to give it back. When they tried to take it, she simply screamed. They appeared tremendously embarassed. I was tickled pink to see someone else have to deal with a misbehaving child. We also wandered around the night markets there, finding a wonderful jade shop (where nothing could be purchased because the owner was out and he did not trust his assistant enough to give him the key to the cases) and a used book store decorated with random antiques (included a giant poster from the premiere of Pink Floyd's "The Wall") with an equally random selection of books. It was a really eclectic and cool place. Thus ended Day Two.

Moon Madness Time

Dear All,
We spent the past three days in Taipei for the Moon/Mid-Autumn Festival. Our glorious trip began at 9:30 am on Saturday with a bus trip. It was not particularly pleasant as I had 5 hrs of sleep the night before, yet couldn't sleep on the bus lest we miss our stop. I was also mostly breakfastless, because the nice girl at McDonalds forgot my pancakes, which combined with the windy mountain passes made me very, very sick. We got off the bus at the train station/metro station and rode to the roommate meeting point, where we were going to have lunch. Unfortunately, the restaurant was closed for the holiday. And everyone but me mysteriously wasn't hungry. So we went to drop our stuff at our hotel, which Audra--a normally reasonable roommate--had picked out. It was close to the metro and a very hip, trendy section of Taipei. It was also possibly the worst hotel I have ever been in. (I would have to make a chart to decide this hotel or a certain hotel in Tyler, Texas was the worst. It might be a tie.) I really wished I could remember the name of the nice, cheap hotel Trip Advisor had recommended. Instead, we dropped off our non-valuable lugguage and went the jade market, lugging my backpack along with me since I wasn't about to risk having it stolen. As for breakfast/lunch I was left to satisfy my hunger with the fillings of a Hi-Life convenience store. Paul and I were both unimpressed with the jade/pearl market. Most of the stuff was clearly not real, but it wasn't priced that way, which was irritating to us. Fake is fine if it looks pretty, just don't try to sell it to me as if it were a rare gem. Then we went back across town to the Sun Yatsen Memorial, which is very ugly if you only see the side of it. Imprevious to hunger or fatigue, my roommates enthusastically decided to go on the Makong Gondola, which is way over on the outskirts of the city. Being exhausted, starving, and, oh yeah, my death fear of gondolas, I steadfastly refused to be involved. Paul and I instead took refuge in the Taipei Zoo McDonalds, where we could sit and eat. There was even Wi-Fi, so I was going to send a desperate plea for help--having lugged my laptop all over creation for the last six hours--but its stupid battery was dead. Eventually, our roommates returned from their nighttime gondola ride (no better way to see the scenery than to ride a gondola at night) and we went all the way back across town to see the 101. The 101 is the tallest building in the world, boasting (supposedly) the world's best food court and tons of super-luxury stores (Dior, Tiffany and Co., Armani, Cartier, etc.). It is also home to the best selection of Western foods in Taiwan. We spent $50 on Dr. Pepper (which exists no where else), Milanos (ditto), Miracle Whip (same), Caesar dressing (not in its familiar form), Alfredo sauce (doesn't exist in here, no matter what the menu says), and Rootbeer (which even this store was sold by the single can). We also went to Toyland, where I made a truly exciting discovery: Mapletown lives! Yes, under the pseudonym "Sylvanian Families," the Bear family, and the Raccoon Family, and the Rabbit family, and the newlyweds Mr. and Mrs. Deer and all of their tiny furniture are still being made. There are even new toys like bathing set I bought with its adorable miniature clawfoot tub. Ah, good times. found the hotel toleratable to acceptable. Exhausted, Paul and I returned to the hotel while Bridget and Audra continued to paint the town red into the wee hours. **As a disclaimer, Paul insists I mention that everyone else found the hotel to be tolerable to acceptable. This is because they only care about having a roof over their heads, running water, and a pillow. In fairness, it did have all those things, although Audra had to sleep on a futon matress on the floor and Paul had no pillow because he gave it to Audra.

Important Life Lessons Learned: 2--Never let anyone else book a hotel room for you and food from home makes everything better.

I Hate Typhoons

I hate typhoons. I hate them so much. I hate walking in them, riding in them, possibly even their mere existence. There just should never be rain so heavy that it soaks you to the skin regardless of whether you're wearing a poncho or a rain jacket. My pants were drenched within 60 seconds of leaving the house. You know why? Because there was so much water running off my jacket. I ask you, is this the kind of world you want to live in? Oh sure, the poncho-over-the-rainjacket method will leave you merely wet, but--shockingly--typhoons really don't do much to lower the humidity or temperature dramatically. You might be only wet from the rain, but you're sweating so much, you might as well not even have bothered to get out of the shower this morning. And while you can just change out of wet clothes at home, it's more difficult and less fun to do this at school. Add to that the fun of hydoplaning on a bike, crazy traffic (thanks, bus for the giant splashes. I just love the dirty street water! And I definitely agree--red lights, no matter how long they have been red, are not for you. Sarcasm aside, it really is something to see a bus run a light that has been red for a good 30-40 secs with no regard for the opposing traffic.), the fact that it rains so much that my shoes are constantly filling with water...well, it just makes me cranky. It's unpleasant and it messes up my schedule. How can we buy dinner if we can't get it home before it's flooded? Don't even get me started on not having any milk for my Oreos.

Catch-Up: Neighbors, Milk, and Grad School

Well, I've given up having anything remotely interesting to say, but certain parties just keep clamoring for a blog update. Here it is. Since the sixth, I've 1)visited the sweet temple next door, 2) resumed my quest for milk worthy of consumption, and 3)started applying for grad school.

1)--I've included pictures of the temple and convent next door artfully taken by Paul. The near-absurd level of detail is characteristic of all of the large temples I've seen here so far. The pictures really don't do it justice, nor can you get a scale of the statues inside the temple. They are huge; the Buddha is much larger than life-size. We've discovered an English tour guidebook specifically for our city, so there'll be tons more pictures of temples. You'll probably get sick of them. One of the temples in the historical section of town is supposed to have an image of Guanyin from the T'ang period, so you'll definitely see pictures of that if we can find it.

2)--I assume my milk tastes are legendary by now, but if you somehow missed the Great Milk Debate of 2003, I have very high standards for my milk. I should, it's my favorite beverage. The very best is 2% milk from the BYU Creamery. For the record, I was even back by an award-winning former 4H milk judge on this. Anyway--because Oreos just aren't worth eating without milk--I have been searching among Taiwan's approximately four brands of milk (hey, when it's all imported, you don't get a lot of choice) and I have found a winner. It's Superior Quality Milk and indeed it is. It is only sold by the quart (in nifty glass bottles), costs $2.30 (but then, all milk here does), and is only available at Carrefour (France's exported version of Walmart). For the interested, it beat out I Heart Milk, High Quality Milk, and Dr. Milker, and won because it lacks the strong corn taste that plagues all the other brands. Forgive me, but I feel very strongly that the only food that should taste like corn is corn.

Finally--3)I've begun apply to grad schools. I'm applying to ASU, the University of Colorado-Boulder, and the University of Kansas. All are excellent choices with varying strengths. ASU has the best faculty for medievel Chinese studies, Boulder has the biggest name (and editor of the Journal of the American Oriental Society), and University of Kansas offers an "East Asian Cultures" emphasis which allows a combination of history, art history, geography, literature, language, and religion courses. Unfortunately, I find the process a tad stressful and frustrating (ASU wanted a combined Junior and Senior GPA, which BYU doesn't give, but can be done using a GPA calculator in a three-step process, and Boulder wanted pretty much everything except my maternal grandmother's blood type).

I'm sorry I don't have anything more exciting to offer, but if you tune in next week, we're going to Taipei for 4 days for the Moon Festival and I'm sure fun stories and pictures will ensue.

Our First Earthquake

Well, we finally experienced an earthquake. Preliminarily, it was placed at a 6.5 (US Geological Survey) and a 6.6 (Taiwan Central Weather Bureau). There have been lots of little ones since we arrived here, but this was the first one we felt. It happened at 1:51 am our time as I was getting ready for bed and Paul was playing Bioshock. I asked him if he was moving the mattress with his foot at the same time he was about to ask me if I had started dancing on the bed. It was surprisingly strong and perfectly rhythmic. It was more than a little surreal and a little frightening. Logically, I know earthquakes do not start out small and become big, but at the time you can't help but wonder if it is going to get better or worse. It was disturbingly like turbulance on a plane. To someone as terrified of flight as I am, it is not comforting knowledge. Terra firma is supposed to be safe. Now it has gone and betrayed me? How can I sleep at night? (Remarkably well, I soon hope to find out.) It was not unexpected, though. There have been four earthquakes in the 4-5 range of magnitude in the last 72 hours, so I figured we would eventually feel one. Still, better to have a series of frequent, small earthquakes than one major one. Also, I got to fill out one of those "Did you feel it?" questionnaires for the US Geological Survey, and now I feel special.

Lugang Pics

Lugang Trip

We spent the afternoon in Lugang (after a fun morning of chatting online with Paul's family), a nearby town with a thriving tourist industry based on its historical buildings and crafts. We forgot our camera, but took a few using a roommates's, so hopefully I will soon be able to post a picture or two. We only visited half of the town and missed the biggest attraction, so we plan on going back soon. It was a lot of fun. The historical section has its old brick buildings either restored or rebuilt, so it has a cool feel. The streets are narrow and windy, and while there are tons for touristy stores, there were also plenty of houses with people living in them. It's a big attraction for the Taiwanese, as well as foreigners, so the shops had some fun stuff in them. We bought delicious passionfruit gelato from old woman (she was very aggressive in selling, but we felt her product justified it) and had a great time looking at some truly beautiful temples. The most beautiful one, the Nanjing Temple, was rebuilt/repaired and renovated (depending on your view) in 1971 and it is amazing. Luckily, one of the pictures we took was us in front of the main gates. Sadly, you cannot see the amazingly ornate and delicate stone carvings that literally cover the rest of the temple.

We (meaning mostly I) bought some great stuff. We got a two decks of cards with various minor folk deities on them, two sketches of the old parts of the city, a supposedly original painting of a girl and her kitten in the wet brush style, a gorgeously carved figure of Guanyin (the bodhisattva of compassion) or possibly Mazi, a sea deity who has a large temple in Lugang, two hand-painted fans and a pair of handmade shoes. The figurine was a bit of a splurge, but it was beautiful and delicately carved from a single piece of wood. The seller offered a better figure, but it was carved from a single, very large piece of sandalwood and was US$250. I don't think he was surprised when we declined it, but he probably figured he had nothing to lose by offering.

The fans have a great story behind them. I wasn't going to go in, but Paul thought it would be nice to have things that seemed distinctly Taiwanese and the fans seemed very traditional. Turns out the painter was a master craftsman, quite famous. I had read about him in the magazine on the airplane. He also LOVED Mormons. He had tons of pictures of him with missionaries and had a copy of the Liahona with many pictures of various temples. Apparently, the missionaries often visit and they love to have him paint the Taipei Temple for them (on fans), so he asked for pictures of other temples so he could offer more temples. The Taipei temple is so popular that he has a standing supply. It was pretty funny and cool at the same time. We, however, bought one fan with cherry blossoms on it and one with tree branches and calligraphy. Truly beautiful works of art. Then he painted a koi pond on the box, signed, and dated it all while we were waiting and while everyone else in the store was trying to buy things. The best part was that in the back of the shop he had his private studio where he painted modern religious art in intense, almost garish colors in an impressionistic style. They were super-cool and I wished he sold those too.

The handmade shoes were way cool. For $13, you pick the wood platform and the upper, and this woman made the shoes on the spot in like five minutes, most of that time spent measuring and fitting things just to your foot. If I understood her correctly, you could bring the shoes back and have a different upper or a heel put on for five bucks. The observant viewer will note that I picked uppers that perfectly matched my Easter dress (the blue one with the pink blossoms on it, for the less observant).

Well, I'm sure you're bored after hearing about us buying things, but we had a great time and who knows, maybe we'll get Christmas gifts when we go back.

Embarrassing Story, So Naturally I Share!

Like the title says, I'm offering a special on embarassment--two countries for the price of one! It all began with the receipt of our pay and end of a rough school week. Paul had talked me in to watching "Invasion" with him and two of our roommates were going to Amigos, a trendy pseudo-Western restaurant (though why they picked Amigos, when they do not boast a single dish even remotely resembling Spanish/Mexican food, we may never know). We all combined plans and set out for the restaurant. Unfornuately, to fit dinner in before the movie, we had to leave the school in a hurry and I did not have a chance to use the restroom. I was not particularly concerned as restaurants promoting themselves as Western tend to have nice, Western-style restrooms. By Western-style, I mean they have toliets, not squatters. More about this later. Anyway, we found the restaurant, placed an order, and I set off to find the restroom. Alas, Amigos had the semi-combined restrooms that appear to be in vogue here. I went in the room to the left and the room to the right. The left room had what appeared to be tiny urinals, as did the right room. Finally, I picked the right room because it had pictures of flowers on the walls and men's rooms tend to be un-to-minimally adorned. Unfortunately, once I had settled on the room, I could not quite figure out what I was supposed to do. See, I had pictured squatters as true holes in the ground, while I was faced with tiny urinals turned on their backs and flush with the floor. While it was relatively easy to figure out what they were used for, it was much more difficult to determine how you used one. Ultimately, the last stall I opened was meant for the disabled and it did have a toliet. I chickened out and chose that stall. But the humiliation wasn't over. Oh, no. See, I went to wash my hands in the basin in the room, but there was no soap. Then I remembered the combined washing area and went out there. I found the soap, but was baffled because there were no sinks, only a large glass plate under the faucets. I was confused. Where you supposed to get your hands just wet enough for soap then wash off at the basin in the other room? How could this situation possibly ever work? It was a few panicked moments before I realized that the the glass was slightly slanted so the water would run down into a trough behind the mirror. I felt like an idiot. Then, just to really rub salt in my wounded pride, a pack of tiny Taiwanese children came up and began to make fun of me. Then their mothers' came, which did not stop the mocking, and they gave me funny looks, leading me to suspect that I was still in fact not doing things right. Literally, the only way the whole experience could have been worse would have been if I took out all the waiters and a lot of food as I fled the scene.

Finally, We Can Stop Hiding from the Police

Finally, we can stop hiding from the police! Our ARC cards arrived today, making us official legal alien residents of Taiwan. Our insurance cards also arrived today, meaning we can get sick with impunity. Okay, for the low, low price of NT150 (US$5.00) we can get sick. This is all very exciting. The card has two photos on it, one of which is flattened and widened to the point where I look an awful lot like Mom or Grandpa Kraemer. I also appear fairly dark, which reminds me of one of Taiwan's best quirks. Often times the first thing a person will say to you after "hello" is a flattering compliment. For Westerners, the usual ones are "Your eyes are so beautiful" (because they're colored), "you are so white" (because the Taiwanese, particularly the older generations, prize white skin, although many are quite dark themselves. You'll see older ladies covering their arms and wearing wide-brimmed hats or carrying huge umbrellas. On a side note, old ladies with umbrellas are quite the safety hazard because the bike lane, parking, and sidewalk are usually the same and while the women themselves generally do not occupy much space, their umbrellas can project into the traffic lane, which is already a mess because no one gives a darn about the law, except most stop for red lights. Remind me to write a post about Taiwanese traffic some time. Also, the pokey part of the ribs is right at eye level.), and "your hair is so pretty" (because, again, it's colored). The final option is "you are beautiful," which I hear all the time. I highly suspect this is because my hair and eyes aren't colored, and there are a number of Taiwanese who are fairer than I am. I have a girl in my 3A who fits the description of Snow White perfectly. On the upside, I get hit on a lot less. (Audra is tall, with blonde hair and blue eyes, and she speaks Mandarin, so she gets various proposals every day. Bridget, who has dark red hair, green eyes and freckles, has children who will just stare at her. She finds it very creepy.)

Oh, and lest you were worried, we really have not been hiding from the police. For one thing, it would be very difficult as the police station is on the corner. Second, our only encounter with them was very positive. A ton of police had evidently just raided the huge arcade next to McDonalds (really) and were crossing the road en masse. They stopped so we could ride through. The resident English-speaking officer said hello and told us to pass through, no problem. Paul later described it as his only positive encounter with a foreign police officer.