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Well, the time keeps on flying by. Where did the month of November go? The weather is starting to cool off--I broke out long pants and long sleeve shirts for the first time this week as a "severe tropical depression" past through. It's still pretty warm in the day (upper 70s), but it's cool enough for a windbreaker at night. And of course, there's always that wind.

The pleasant weather and the buoyancy of our soon-to-be departing roommates have kept the living here nice after the dark post-Halloween days. I think we're living vicariously through them. It seems like chulupas are almost around the corner for us too. Paul went to a lot of trouble to fix us a special Thanksgiving dinner of KFC and mashed potatoes. It was sweet and delicious.

Work also seems to be less stressful. I think that's because I've completely sold out and become a slave to the Man. I'll give out super student to every kid every day just so I don't have to talk to anyone ever. I did draw the line at blackmail for the monthly super student. That was a 100% united front effort though. Although, I think one of them might have been purchased. I know it money was offered, I just don't know if it was accepted. I don't know if I even care. Everything changes on a dime anyway, I think we all just pay lip service and do only those things that are necessary to stay out of trouble and don't screw up our classes. Is this the secret to employment? 'Cause that's a little depressing.

My grad school stuff also seems to be moving along as well. My statements of purpose are done (although not sent in since my father-in-law is busy ripping them apart, for my benefit of course), my letters of recommendation should all arrive (fingers crossed), my GRE scores are sent, and my transcripts should go out next week. That's just a writing sample away from being completely DONE!

Well, I don't have much else to say, just the same old, same old here. I'm going to Lugang tomorrow afternoon, maybe I'll post some pictures afterwards.

John Smith, 1882? My Mistake.

Dear All,
The new laptop cord arrived today (the old one is still with the 3C man, should the part ever come in). Paul's computer should also arrive tomorrow, meaning we'll have to shell out the bucks to buy a moniter. At least it will be cheaper than it would be in America and one of those slender LCD ones. I see my last posts have just been scintillating, based on the record number of responses. Perhaps this gruesome story about the dangers of mixing small children, coloring, and Taiwanese food will help. An epidemic of "bathroom breaks" broke out last Friday, leading us to question what had been served for lunch (none of us eat lunch at school if it can be avoided. Not so much for sanitation, but taste). Things went to a new level today, though. Paul noticed a child--we'll call him Timmy--was sick, but he failed to pass this information on to me. I meanwhile was worried about another child, who was clearly in intenstinal distress, but would rather color with one hand while clutching his abdomen than go downstairs and get some medicine. Anyway, I have my back turned to the class to put their art folders on a table when I detect a most foul odor. I assume the child in clear distress is passing some gas, but it is so foul that I decide to send him downstairs regardless of whether he wants to go or not because something will eventually happen. I tell all of the kids to line up and that's when a commotion breaks out around little Timmy. He turns around to the deal with the kids yelling at him and that's when I see why the other kids are yelling. There is ...stuff...EVERYWHERE. It's hanging off his sweater vest, it's all down his pants, it's on the floor and his chair and my desk and everywhere. It was like a baby has a massive blowout all up the back and everything, only Timmy is five. Ughhhhhhhhhh!!!! Luckily, this is what support staff is for. I get on the phone and call the secretary. But I get Shannon, who is a great person, but who has no confidence in her English and is the less fluent of the secretaries, and my attempts at delicacy are lost on her. Finally, I am forced to lay it out very explicitly. This she understood and raced up. Meanwhile all of the kids are running around screaming "Poo poo! Poo poo!" which is not conducive to learning English. Were it not for their love of "Sally the Camel," I don't know if order would have ever been restored. Now, this all happened in my room, which concerned me since I had to teach in that room later that day and heaven knows that I had no intent of cleaning it up if it could be avoided. (Sorry, but I will not touch anything that comes out of the human body except blood. Yes, I've cleaned up after Max the Beagle, but only when it was absolutely necessary and it was still incredibly gross. Paul doesn't do dogs unless he absolutely has to and as long as I'm there, it's not.) Shannon was willing to hose down Timmy, but she disavowed any ability to clean the room. I chose to flee, which turned out to be a successful tactic. It's not as cowardly as it sounds since I still had to teach for another two hours. So, that was the highlight of my day, what about yours?

Oh, and since Heather tagged me, here are the six things about me. I took them from the first website that popped up when I googled "getting to know you questions." Oh, and I added on the answers from the "misrepresented and slandered" Paul for fun.

Question #1: If you could live anywhere in the world for one year, where would it be?
J-Answer: Taiwan, obviously.
P-Answer: Provo (because that's where his family lives. Say it together: Awwww.)

Q#2: If you knew could you try anything and not fail (and money was no object), what dream would you attempt?
J-Answer: I would become a traveling oceanographer, again obviously.
P-Answer: We are united in our ambition to become traveling oceanographers.

Q#3: What super-power would you most like to have, and why?
J-Answer: I would possess the awesome ability to add up numbers in my head. I desire this because I am incompetent in the realm of mental math.
P-Answer: The ability to break in film noir detective-style voiceover monologues without prior thought.

Q#4: What’s your favorite concert you’ve ever attended?
J-Answer: Well, it's a grand total of two, but since I think the No Doubt concert was the closest to the kind of concert the question had in mind, I'll go with that one.
P-Answer: I've never been to a concert voluntarily.

Q#5: Because you're lame, what is your favorite color?
J-Answer: My favorite color is sunshine yellow, which is why the interior of my sims' house is painted completely bright yellow. I look forward to the glorious day when the interior of my real living space will also be bright yellow.
P-Answer: Green, but I lack a strong preference.

Q#6: What one item in the kitchen best describes you and your personality?
J-Answer: The first kitchen utensil that came to mind was the green scraper thing from Williams-Sonoma. I don't speak English anymore, so I don't remember what it's called. I'm tired to doing all the work, so I'll let you tell me how this reflects my personality.
P-Answer: Bread machine, because I'm willing to put the extra effort in to be extra happy. (Ed. note: I have no idea how this metaphor works, but I swear this is what he said.)

Is This The End of Zombie Shakespeare?

Dear All,
The laptop cord has once again died, coupled with the untimely and unyielding refusal of the battery to charge above 15%. In short, we may again by incommunicado for a time. I myself am typing this post on a stolen laptop cord which must shortly be returned lest its owner begin asking questions. We took the cord back to 3C to try to have it fix again, and if I interpreted the man's Chinglish correctly, he is hopeful that it can be fixed another time. If true, we should be back up tomorrow. If not, well, how much does it cost to send a laptop cord via International Courrier?

New Photographic Evidence of Life!

Here's a couple of pictures so you all can have photographic proof that we are both still alive. Alas, Paul's is from the back because he was rapidly fleeing the camera, being the shy lad that he is. It's almost more a picture of the water heater than a picture of him. As for my photo, well, I just hope you enjoy the view of the back of Taiwanese apartment buildings as much as I do.

It was a pretty average week, but we had a good weekend. We both talked to our families on the phone, Paul had his weekly dental appointment where they finished his root canal and filled two cavities, and then we went to Taizhong in the evening. We had a near-American meal at TGI Fridays and hit the very trendy shopping district and night market. I didn't get anything, but I did try clothes on at an actual store. They didn't fit, but I could get them on--even after stuffing myself silly at dinner--making me feel like I could find clothes that fit me if I went to a store with wider range of sizes. It was a hopeful moment. We also hit Mr. Donut, where I discovered there is a place in Taiwan that understands a "creamy pastry filling" is mostly sugar and shortening, not just whipped butter. Then we hit it over to a Bed, Bath, and Beyond-style store where we purchased a laundry hamper (I guess the duffel/floor system just wasn't doing it for Paul), cheerful picture frames, and runts. I don't know why they were selling them, but they sure are tasty.

We wrapped up the evening at Jason's, the Western supermarket that we visited in Taipei. They just opened a second store in Taizhong last month. They were sold out of a lot of American speciality stuff (chocolate chips, tortilla chips, rootbeer), but we were still able to clean out the Dr. Pepper supply (which, unbeknownst to us, our roommates had drastically lowered only minutes before), get some real jam, and buy everything need to make a pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving! Hurray for Jason's!

Thanks to Paul's mom for suggesting we try to make mini pumpkin pies, rather than a big one in the toaster oven to prevent overdone crusts and underdone middles (which is a problem with cookies). Audra's charmed the heck out of the owner of the local sandwich place (Derek), who has now graciously opened his personal supply of cookware to us. He's making a German Chocolate Cake this week for her birthday. We're all very excited to try it, especially since he's making two. The first is an experimental version that he's going to try to sell in his shop. The version will probably be Taiwanified, as Derek expressed concern over the amounts of sugar and water the recipe called for, also this thing called "evaporated milk." The second version will hopefully be more delicious as we all convince him that Americans like the things their recipes make, so please put in the outrageous amount of sugar called for.

I don't know why, but Taiwanese folk don't seem to like chocolate, sugar, or salt nearly as much as we Americans do. (Paul says the word I'm looking for is flavor.) It's true though for everything but fried chicken from 3Q [flavors: original ("old secret spice," and black pepper), spicy (tons of red pepper and curry powder), meizi (popular Taiwanese flavor that is sweet and hard to describe. Everyone else in the apartment starts gagging at the mere mention of it, but I really like it.), curry (curry powder), and combo (blend of original and meizi flavor spices)]. The cooking here we've had so far is very light on herbs, spices, etc. I don't miss the salt (in fact, I mostly prefer it with a few exceptions like crackers), but I do miss the spices. And the cheeseburgers. Won't someone please think of the cheeseburgers?

Getting the Led Out

This is a post that I periodically think about writing, but for some reason I've never gotten around to it. But it's Friday night at 2:00 am, I'm not sleepy and Led Zeppelin just doesn't lend itself to the serious writing process (tweaking my statements of purpose).


Taiwan likes to view itself as a bastion of tradition, which it is, but not in the ways that I would have expected. I admit upfront, this is far from a random sampling, but the results are I think interesting. Taiwan is often portrayed as very family-oriented, with slightly larger families (3 kids) and strong extended family ties. Most of the kids I've polled (so 6B/5A, 3A, and 1A) really do live in a 3-generation household (grandparent(s), parents, and kids). Divorce seems to be fairly rare (even when it should exist, see below) Feelings towards grandparents across the board are very mixed, which I thought was a tad surprising. A few unabashedly hated their grandparents, citing either general meanness or corporeal punishment. Most were somewhat ambivalent, saying that their grandparents were mean to each other (which could make them unpleasant to be around), but okay to grandkids, though strict. Only 2 expressed straight fondness. One told me that she loved her paternal grandmother because she (the grandmother) loved girls, unlike her mother and maternal grandmother who prefer boys.


I hear the prefer boys bit from time to time. Usually it's from female students who feel their brothers are better liked, but it came up at school once when a family decided they couldn't afford two tuitions and chose to enrolled the boy over the girl. That was kind of an unusual case, as it was an extended family situation. The two were kettle cousins living with their uncle. One was orphaned after an accident, and the other was sent there after the parents divorced. This is the only case of divorce I am aware of within the school, although I can't verify how open the kids might be about it. Paul also has a girl whose brother is strongly favored by the parents, but it hard to know how much it is related to gender than the fact that her brother is a freaking genius.


Occasionally, darker sides appear. The principal told me one of my student's mothers was forced by her husband to quit her job at a bank because his mother complained that she was neglecting the children. One of Paul's students has a quite troubled homelife with his parents having "differences over child-rearing" that result in his mother periodically running away. (This suggests something far more serious than the run-of-the-mill "How should we encourage our son's academic progress?" conversation it was portrayed to be, but that's just my view.) We're fairly certain that the principal tried to encourage him in school by telling him his parents would stop fighting if he did well in school. We prefer to exercise more patience and a slightly modified approach.) It's hard when he's picked up in a Lexus SUV not to think about the difference between appearances and reality. Lots of our kids spend 6 or 7 hrs at school, sometimes as many as 9 hrs. And that's just at our school. While I can rationally explain things in my head, it seems very strange for a culture that prides itself on valuing family never to actually spend any time with them.


Audra's of the opinion that for all the appearances and extolling of the virtues of the traditional family system, it's completely broken down and is only held together by Southeast Asian servants working for slave wages. I don't know if I'd go that far, but it does seem like the lifestyles people are leading are conflicting with the values they praise.

Finally, because I don't want to end on a low note, I offer this quality bit of logic, mined from an angry letter at Eric Snider's website: "These days no one seems to care because they’re like “Oh I don’t care”. It doesn't mention oversized fedoras, but then no one can have everything they wish for.

It's A Holiday in Cambodia

Dear all,
I'm feeling more chipper these days, likely because I've finished (in rough but presentable for feedback form) my statements of purpose for my blasted grad school applications and won Guitar Hero III.

The statements of purpose were frustrating to me because I kept wanting to write "I want to come, I'm qualified, there's not a heck of a lot of other people interested, so why don't you just say yes and we'll all eat pumpkin pie shakes in honor of Thanksgiving? Everybody wins." But like I said, I finally got around to writing something and not thinking about it for a few days while my reviewers read over it and weep silently over how I could have strayed so far from the intent of the assignment.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, apparently Audra's pulling out all the cooking stops. The lovely purveyor of sandwiches in town even offered to let her borrow a real baking pan to cook a turkey in. Turkeys are incorrectly shown as chickens here, which bothers me to no end, but is really off on a tangent. Audra has a very elaborate Thanksgiving meal planned, which may involve breaking into the church (where there's a real oven, not a toaster oven!) or coercing the impressionable sister missionaries into letting us in. I'm not sure, I try to stay fuzzy on the misdemeanors of my roommates.

Finally, I rocked my way to eternal rock legend glory in Guitar Hero III. That's my character at the top of the blog, although I prefer the all black leather ensemble rather than the flame outfit she's sporting in the picture. I also play a SG guitar in "skyburst," which is a really awesome electric blue. Not that I like to toot my own horn or anything, but Paul hasn't beaten Guitar Hero III yet. I'm just sayin'.

Oh, and that fiend Paul is trying to convince me to spend $920 on a new laptop. I grant you, it's cool and better than the one I have right now (Duo 1.6 Ghz processors, a NVIDIA 8000 series video card, 1 GB of ram, 160 GB hard drive), but that's a lot of money. He is currently arguing that if we get it, he won't ask for his computer to be shipped, which will save $150. So the new laptop is more like $770, which is a great deal you see. This does beat his previous position that he would get me double-stuffed Oreos in exchange for the laptop. ("Those are the conditions of the deal," he said. "I will accept the purchasing of Oreos as a binding agreement.") **Paul wishes to state that it was more like someone walked into the store and began drooling over a certain laptop and he was merely trying to facilitate this person's further happiness by encouraging the purchase on the grounds that we have the funds on-hand.

Oh, here is a side note from a very funny essay by one Zack Parsons. Please do not search him out or seek for the rest of the article even if you are over 18, for he does not always use the cleanest of language. Trust me, I learned the hard way. It's from his "concise reference" on how to determine whether an interogation technique is or is not torture for the new Attorney General.
"The people asking you questions are wearing ski masks.
Unless you are being interrogated outdoors on a ski slope, ski masks are generally not an important part of lawful interrogation methods. A rule of thumb on this is if your interrogators are wearing any of the headgear worn by people you are supposed to shoot in Hogan's Alley [an old computer game] then you are about to get the *$%& tortured out of you. This includes black burglar masks, skullcaps and sunglasses, and oversized fedoras, but does not include police hats or old lady hats.
Somebody keeps trying to stop you from breathing.
On a scale of importance from one to ten I think it's fair to say that breathing rates about a 9.7 or 9.8. Maybe even a little higher. It's up there with "having a beating heart" and "not being on fire." When someone tries to get you to stop breathing, even temporarily, that's a pretty good sign you're being tortured. The other possibility is that they won't stop so you can breathe and they don't want you to answer any questions at all, in which case congratulations, you are just being murdered."

I don't know why, but the part about "oversized fedoras" gets me every time.

Tales of Disappointment (Me) and Bliss (Paul)

Well, Paul is almost done with his root canal and is reporting it to have been terror-free. He goes back in one week to get a permanent crown put on. (I think. I'm not really up on root canals and I slept through his Saturday appointment. ) Anyway, all's well on that front. I continue the monotonity of working, sleeping, and occasionally watching a video. It's thrilling, just thrilling. I wish we had only signed up for six months, so it really wouldn't matter that I'm just crossing off the days. If it was just six months, then I'd have six weeks left. That's a great time to feel lackluster about an experience.

Paul seems to be just peachy-keen. He's not sick, his teeth don't hurt anymore and he got Guitar Hero III, Tony Hawk's Project 8, and Virtual Fighter 5 all in the same week. So he's swell.

Note from the Editor

The post, "Taiwanese Root Canal Terror," is postponed until Saturday or possibly Tuesday. Apparently root canals are a multi-part process. We apologize for the inconvenience. Also, we finished Season 1 in two days. I'm just saying, that's rockin' good time with you don't get home until 10 pm.

-Jennifer

The Keys to Health, Wealth, and Success

Well, I spend the weekend struck down with the mightiest of colds. Stuck strictly indoors for two days and with a strong intent to polish my statements of purpose so I can get one step closer to finishing up my grad school application packets, I discovered the secret to success, health and dare I say wealth? Yes, and it is Buffy: The Vampire Slayer. I spent 20 of those 48 hours watching the entire Buffy-Angel arc from beginning to end. Now, I'm not going to say it was the best 20 hours I have ever spent, but it's definitely in the top 1. It was made extra-fun by the lateness of the hour (3:30 am baby. I've come to the conclusion that you never really adjust to the time difference.) and the fact that I was watching it with my roomie Audra. Audra is great to watch TV with because she gets just as involved in the romantic lives of fictional characters as I do. She figured out how the Buffy-Angel arc would ultimately resolve itself in a fit of convolusions.

"But..." (sits upright)
"Then..." (Slumps over)
"But wait..." (Sits back up right)
"And then..." (slumps down on couch)
"They can't..." (sits back upright again)
ARGHHHHH!!!! (collapses completely on the couch and possibly loses consciousness briefly)

I cannot tell you how much fun it is to watch a decent version of Romeo and Juliet with someone who is as big of a sucker for romance as you are. We even cried at the same moment at the end. Which, despite of--nay--because of its unrelenting melodrama--only a monster devoted of any semblence of humanity would not do. I look forward to tonight when we start Season 1 and keep the train going to until Season 7 (which is the final season). It should be treat. Plus Audra agrees with me that the Chest is amazingly hot and now we've roped Bridget into watching it with us. This so makes up for Halloween.

Oh, and stay tuned to a special "bonus" post tonight--"Taiwanese Root Canal Terror!" (Paul finally went to the dentist--he is there at this very moment in fact--and has a ton of fillings that fell out and need to be replaced and one molar that broke after the filling fell out and is now undergoing a root canal.)

Keep your stick on the ice.

A Truly Hellish Halloween

I see from the comments burning up my in-box that you found reading my last post as fascinating to read as I found living it to be. Perhaps then you will be more entertained by the following spine-tingling tale I like to call, "October 31, 2007--The Day Halloween Died." A lengthy whiny monologue was here, but I cut it for space. Suffice to say, our boss kept yelling at me, then changing things which confused the heck out of me. Why yell at me for not sticking to a schedule that you don't bother to follow or even skim? Children cried for various reasons, I almost cried for various reasons, it was just more fun than a barrel of dying monkeys with the ebola virus. Also, I went as an Uno Card. That's just for Mom, the rest of you gentle readers can disregard it.

None of this was completely unexpected which is why we had planned the most rockingest Halloween blow-out ever. But the sad truth is this. Halloween is no fun with no Halloween shows to watch, no Halloween candy, and no trick-or-treaters to say "Happy Halloween" to. Working a hellish job until 9:00 pm doesn't help either. It wasn't just me. All of us were pretty dead, despite all the Pizza Hut pizza and Coke one could binge on. It was a massive dud and for the first time, I really miss home. Apparently, I just don't want to live in a country that doesn't celebrate Halloween.