Everyone Else's Brother is in Jail

I've mentioned Audra's brother from time to time, but since the apartment has an ongoing best worst brother contest, I thought I'd fill you in on the other contenders. Audra's brother, of course, continues to avoid the long arm of the law. Last we heard he was in Yunnan, China or possible Thailand being a model. He was being seriously challenged by Katerina's brother for the best worst brother. Katerina's brother is currently sitting his local jail after having been arrested for drug running. Oops. Apparently, Jersey cops just won't look the other way if you have several kilos of cocaine in the backseat. The DA, on the other hand, is willing to cut you a deal for 6 months in jail, plus three years' probation. He seemed to feel any jail time was a grave injustice, but eventually every sane person convinced him that having a joint of marijuana and having several kilos of cocaine in your car were really not the same category of offense. Personally, I wonder what happened to the house his parents bought him, but on the bright side, they are getting plenty of quality time with their granddaughter!

The winner is Ellie's brother, who is unlikely to dethroned. At least, I hope not, because we're getting to a level of crime that is no longer humorous in any light. Ellie's brother is also currently sitting in his local jail, awaiting trail for sexual assault. Katerina was discussing her brother's woes when Ellie mentioned that her brother too was in jail, only for sexual assault instead of drug running. As I stood there rather stunned--really, what is the appropriate response that case--I said, "Well, maybe it's one of those things where they level the highest charge with the intent to strike a better plea bargain." "There are two girls." "Oh." We decided this was perhaps the reason Ellie's mother was sending her an unusual high amount of care packages full of jelly beans. She does love jelly beans, but five pounds a month? No one likes jelly beans that much.