Let There Be Rock!

I know I haven't updated for a while; I've decided it's best just to gloss over the past two weeks. So, shipped Paul off to Utah, bought a Billy Joel album, saw Yes Man, made potstickers, cleaned and organized the entire kitchen, found a new haircut, played with Piper, rediscovered Iron Chef. Whew. A thrilling time, I know. Now, for what this post is really about: arguing over VH1's latest top 20 list. Category? Hard rock songs. Here's their list:

20. You Give Love a Bad Name (Bon Jovi)
19. Tom Sawyer (Rush)
18. Rock You Like a Hurricane (Scorpions)
17. I Wanna Rock (Twisted Sister)
16. Rock and Roll All Nite (Kiss)
15. Dr. Feelgood (Motley Crue)
14. Run to the Hills (Iron Maiden)
13. Photograph (Def Leppard)
12. Breaking the Law (Judas Priest)
11. Smoke on the Water (Deep Purple)
10. Ace of Spades (Motorhead)
9. Runnin' with the Devil (Van Halen)
8. Walk This Way (Aerosmith)
7. Smells Like Teen Spirit (Nirvana)
6. Won't Get Fooled Again (The Who)
5. Enter Sandman (Metallica)
4. Paranoid (Black Sabbath)
3. Whole Lotta Love (Led Zeppelin)
2. Back in Black (AC/DC)
1. Welcome to the Jungle (Guns 'N' Roses)

You see the outrageous flaws. First, let's all agree that Bon Jovi and Twisted Sister don't even belong on this list. I love Dee Snider as much as the next person, but seriously. Top 20? No. Frankly, the Scorpions and Kiss probably don't deserve the honor either. Although, both songs are legendarily awesome. I'm also kicking off Motley Crue because I just don't like their music and Def Leppard because Photograph is not that great of a song. So, we're down to:

19. Tom Sawyer (Rush)
14. Run to the Hills (Iron Maiden)
12. Breaking the Law (Judas Priest)
11. Smoke on the Water (Deep Purple)
10. Ace of Spades (Motorhead)
9. Runnin' with the Devil (Van Halen)
8. Walk This Way (Aerosmith)
7. Smells Like Teen Spirit (Nirvana)
6. Won't Get Fooled Again (The Who)
5. Enter Sandman (Metallica)
4. Paranoid (Black Sabbath)
3. Whole Lotta Love (Led Zeppelin)
2. Back in Black (AC/DC)
1. Welcome to the Jungle (Guns 'N' Roses)

Now, the question is are we ranking songs or bands? Songwise, it's not that bad, but bandwise, it's criminal! Guns 'N' Roses over pretty much any band on the list? No sir, that is just not right. So, I offer my superior ranking in order of band awesomeness. I acknowledge that once you hit the top five, they're more or less equal.

14. Welcome to the Jungle (Guns 'N' Roses)
13. Walk This Way (Aerosmith)
12. Runnin' with the Devil (Van Halen)
11. Run to the Hills (Iron Maiden)
10. Smoke on the Water (Deep Purple)
9. Breaking the Law (Judas Priest)
8. Tom Sawyer (Rush)
7. Ace of Spades (Motorhead)
6. Paranoid (Black Sabbath)
5. Back in Black (AC/DC)
4. Smells Like Teen Spirit (Nirvana)
3. Enter Sandman (Metallica)
2. Whole Lotta Love (Led Zeppelin)
1. Won't Get Fooled Again (The Who)

Songwise, the order is something more like:

14. Runnin' with the Devil (Van Halen)
13. Whole Lotta Love (Led Zeppelin)
12. Walk This Way (Aerosmith)
11. Run to the Hills (Iron Maiden)
10. Smoke on the Water (Deep Purple)
9. Welcome to the Jungle (Guns 'N' Roses)
8. Back in Black (AC/DC)
7. Breaking the Law (Judas Priest)
6. Ace of Spades (Motorhead)
5. Paranoid (Black Sabbath)
4. Tom Sawyer (Rush)
3. Enter Sandman (Metallica)
2. Smells Like Teen Spirit (Nirvana)
1. Won't Get Fooled Again (The Who)

Still, it's not perfect. If you had to pick Van Halen's best song, would you choose Runnin' with the Devil? And Whole Lotta Love from Led Zeppelin over Kashmir? Sigh. (Shakes head) Oh well, at least I'm posting again. In the last minute, two future topics have been suggested courtesy of House Hunters: bad baby names (Phineas? Is your child a ninety-year-old Amish man?) and absurd Britishisms (there is no such thing as a "cooker").