Mission: Save Jennifer, Paul if Possible

Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to think of a way to save Jennifer and Paul, if possible, from an lengthy overnight layover at LAX. Hop to it.

Happy Anniversary to Us

Happy anniversary to us. Can you believe it's already been four years? I can't. But then, I can't believe my husband is much closer to thirty than twenty. (Paul's a tender 27 in a mere four months.) We had a nice time. We went out to a fancy restaurant and I spent a small fortune on shoes. Paul gave me a lovely Buddhist triptych and an icon. He said I could put them up in my future office, which I thought was awfully sweet. He got Rainbow Six: Las Vegas 2 which, as I can personally attest to, has been thoroughly enjoyed.

Since we live our lives (profound, I know), we can't really think of a moment that encapsulates the essence of us. If you can--or have a favorite memory of us in general--it would be ever so nice if you would post it in the comments section. It's always fun to see yourself through other people's eyes. Oh, and just for Paul's dad, you can't post the singing in the car bit. You'll have to think of (or invent) a new memory.

55 Days, 1 Hour, 4 Minutes

Wow! Can you believe I've made a hundred posts? It's crazy. Also crazy: we arrive in Salt Lake in 55 days, 1 hour and 4 minutes. That's July 3 at 10:25 a.m. for those of you that prefer to simply be told. (How's that for a flagrant disregard of split infinitives?) Showers of roses, chocolate, etc. are welcome, but actual showers of warm water would be the most appreciated. Plan accordingly.

Everyone Else's Brother is in Jail

I've mentioned Audra's brother from time to time, but since the apartment has an ongoing best worst brother contest, I thought I'd fill you in on the other contenders. Audra's brother, of course, continues to avoid the long arm of the law. Last we heard he was in Yunnan, China or possible Thailand being a model. He was being seriously challenged by Katerina's brother for the best worst brother. Katerina's brother is currently sitting his local jail after having been arrested for drug running. Oops. Apparently, Jersey cops just won't look the other way if you have several kilos of cocaine in the backseat. The DA, on the other hand, is willing to cut you a deal for 6 months in jail, plus three years' probation. He seemed to feel any jail time was a grave injustice, but eventually every sane person convinced him that having a joint of marijuana and having several kilos of cocaine in your car were really not the same category of offense. Personally, I wonder what happened to the house his parents bought him, but on the bright side, they are getting plenty of quality time with their granddaughter!

The winner is Ellie's brother, who is unlikely to dethroned. At least, I hope not, because we're getting to a level of crime that is no longer humorous in any light. Ellie's brother is also currently sitting in his local jail, awaiting trail for sexual assault. Katerina was discussing her brother's woes when Ellie mentioned that her brother too was in jail, only for sexual assault instead of drug running. As I stood there rather stunned--really, what is the appropriate response that case--I said, "Well, maybe it's one of those things where they level the highest charge with the intent to strike a better plea bargain." "There are two girls." "Oh." We decided this was perhaps the reason Ellie's mother was sending her an unusual high amount of care packages full of jelly beans. She does love jelly beans, but five pounds a month? No one likes jelly beans that much.

Francophones of the World, Unite!

Once again, our courageous Belgian comrade Ellie flew across the Taiwan Strait to renew her visa in Hong Kong. This time, instead of hooking up with friendly South Africans, she acted as an interpreter for a Guinean and 13 Algerians (all men). Alas for poor Ellie, the consulate denied her visa without comment. They also denied visas to the 13 Algerians. They told them to try again another day. But Ellie was in no mood for this, what with having to teach the next day. She refused to leave the consulate until they at least told her why her visa was denied. Then she and the Algerians (who were now sticking together) sat down on floor. That's right, they dusted off that old gem, the sit-in. Then the security guards came. And still they sat. Then the cleaners came and started buffing the floors around them. Finally, the consulate caved and agreed to allow them to appeal the denials via interviews. Ellie was told why her visa was denied (why would any one need six months to explore Taiwan?) and wove a very plausible story explaining it. She went off on her interviewer about the level and type of documentation needed as well. (Ellie's exceeded the requirements and when the interviewer said it was more than necessary, Ellie bluntly stated that must mean she met the required level.) In the end, Ellie got her 60-day visa (which she will overstay by 5 days), but her "boys"--as she referred to them--only got 14-day visas. All of this took place after the consulate closed, so by the end of things, Ellie and the Algerians had 90 minutes to make it to the airport and board the plane. They did make it though.

You'd think that would be enough, but no, Ellie missed her bus to the HSR train station by 10 minutes. It was the last one. Now, Ellie is not familiar at all with Taipei and speaks virtually no Chinese. Nevertheless, she is resourceful and opted to go out to the taxi area and just yell out the name of our city until she found a taker. It only cost her US$27, which is an amazing deal for 3 hr. cab ride. She snuck into the apartment so quietly that I was still awake at 5:00 am thinking she hadn't made it home. Little did I know how close it had come to that.

Shannon's Engagement Party

Here's the pictures of Shannon's engagement party. I want the pictures to mainly speak for themselves, but a little background might be useful. The party was held at Shannon's father's factory on the outskirts of Lugang under the truly multi-purpose rainbow tarps. (Weddings, funerals, religious ceremonies, block parties: it does them all.) She was excited for us to experience this custom because it's limited to only the middle/rural areas of Taiwan. As the pictures partially show, you need a LARGE space to hold one. In the first picture, the girl on the left is Emily, the other secretary. The whole shebang lasted almost three hours and featured a 10 course meal. And when I say courses, I mean course. It was a seafood-lover's paradise. I'm not one, but I did my best. Two kinds of fish, several kinds of shrimp, crabs, sea cucumbers(grosser than you are capable of imagining, I promise), three soups, fruit, dessert, rice balls, the list just goes on. Paul shares that his main complaint about the food was not so much about the taste, but the general wobbliness. It went way past uncomfortable levels. Each of the tables with stocked with complimentary gifts of scotch (Johnny Walker Black Label, aged 12 yrs) and cigarettes, in addition to all of the regular food and the very free-flowing Heineken. Paul commented he felt like we were about to bribe some prison guards.

On the stage introduing the couple in the black vest is the Democratic Party Head for the county. I think he was there because Shannon's father is a party captian. This picture was taken after he had let loose a karaoke love ballad. He was a very gregarious fellow, probably good politician.

The boy band was a relative's and it was their first gig. They were amazingly bad. The guitar player and the drummer couldn't stay in the same rhythm and the guitar singer also couldn't sing and play and stay on his rhythm. It was painful. The other "entertainers" have pictures that speak for themselves. Oh, and the woman in the hot pink and black was the emcee. She robbed me of at least half of my hearing, temporarily anyway.

Oh, and yes, there is a picture of Shannon with me, but it is so hideous that I cannot post it even for humor-related purposes.

Sweet Betsy Ross' Ghost! It's Sweet Betsy Ross!

So, Sweet Betsy Ross was finally ransomed from the clutches of Taiwanese Customs for the low, low price of NT$800 (US$27). I did like Cassia's suggestion that they wanted to make sure the laptop wasn't being imported against its will and that's why they asked for power of attorney. Alas, it does not have the ability to travel through time, but it does have a built-in webcam--in case you thought someone had killed us and was photoshopping pictures to make it look like we were still living. Or you're my mom and want to confirm that I do indeed mainly call and write at 3 am in my PJs.

Right now, I'm trying to decide how to decorate Sweet Betsy Ross so she looks more like herself and less like Sarah Plain and Tall (as she does at the moment). Paul offered the extra Guitar Hero stickers, so she might wind up with a flaming skull and crossbones or something. That seems appropriate for a founding myth figure, right?

I'll try to take a picture (ideally using its own webcam and an elaborate arrangement of mirrors) so you can all appreciate its majesty appropriately. It's like a laptop aircraft carrier; it's huge! I'm worried it won't fit in my bag.