Things You Don't Want to Get in the Mail

Things you don't want to get in the mail:

10. Animals (dead or live)
9. Glass bottles with syrups inside
8. Things for someone else important enough not to throw away
7. Anything from the bank
6. Firearms
5. Solicitations
4. Underwear
3. Body Parts
2. Biological Agents
1. Sex Offender Notification

Guess which I got today? Yep, numero uno. I opened my mail box today and right on top was a flyer with the words: "IMPORTANT Sex Offender Notification." My first thought was, well it's probably someone just in the neighborhood who 'likes' little girls." Not good by any means, but not something I have worry about. But nope, I open it up and the first thing I see is my address, #18. Yeah, that came as a bit of a shock. Was not expecting my next-door neighbor, the loud one who loves football and parties. I've only seen him once and I'm definitely not his type so there won't be any extra paranoia, but still. Not the kind of thing you want to get. (Although I suppose it is better than not knowing.)

And Lo, There Were Shorts!

The glory of humanity is shorts. Yes, short pants. For the first time in five years, I have shorts again and it is the most beautiful thing. Or it was, until the temperatures plummeted back into the fifties with a strong wind. I actually had to break out the granny cardigan yesterday. (Note: I do not think of it as a "granny" cardigan--indeed, it is the anti-granny cardigan if anything--but Paul stubbornly refuses to call it anything but. "It makes the outside match the inside," he says. Bah and pffiffle, I say!) Now I just see my shorts in the closet, looking dejected.

On a completely unrelated note, Muhlesteins and Muhlestein aficionados should had over to Paul's cousin Jordan's website (www.jordanandcrystal.blogspot.com) and watch the video of him doorbell-ditching his baby. Note how long it takes for anyone to bring said baby into the house.

Furloughed!

Furloughed! All ASU employees (and they make it clear that it really is ALL) will be forced to take a mandatory unpaid furlough of at least 10 days between now and the end of the fiscal year (June 30). For those of you who don't know, Arizona is facing a ridiculous large budget crisis ($1.6 billion dollars in the red). I don't know what they've been doing with their money, but the current cuts to the university system alone total $143 million for the remaining fiscal year. ASU is responsible for roughly 1/2 that amount. Various less-drastic measured had already been taken (hiring freezes; thermostats at 65 in the winter, 82 in the summer--that one's my favorite; some layoffs), so apparently this is the next step. Aren't we glad for an employed husband? I am. A LOT.

Army

That's what a group of ants is called. I wondered about it when all the students in my Japanese class stood up for an active demonstration of comparisons. All but three are shorter than me. That's a lot of 5'4" guys.

A Brand New Day

Thinking this is going to be one of those lame Obama reflections? Ha! I fooled you all! I love politics much more than the next person and even I have no interest in inaugrations, balls, or speeches. Ignored the whole thing and I couldn't have cared less. Instead, I was ever-so-wisely watching a new episode of Bones on Hulu the day before it aired! Which was good, because it only took Hulu two hours to realize the mistake and take it down.

Getting down to business, it's the beginning of the new semester and I only spent two days consumed with terror/baseless anxiety. I'm taking my first real graduate seminar and it had me frightened to my core. There were PhD people in there. PhD people! (Paul gave many pep talks of the "don't compete with others, just be your best" variety.) I was pretty rattled by the professor just casually handing out 2.5 pages of a classical text to be discussed. Oh yeah, I can totally read and translate that! No...but it did get all worked out when I showed up later for my Chinese class and he remembered how I didn't know classical Chinese. It's probably still going to be a holy terror, but at least now there's going to be some easing of the coursework and his expectations are more reasonable. My other classes are just a continuation of last semester, so things will probably be about the same. My Japanese class might be more of a pain. We started the semester a day behind (according to the syllabus). I was pretty shocked by that. You, the professor, make up the syllabus. Why on earth would you choose to assign work before class begins without telling anyone? Why start behind? It makes no sense!

Have I Told You Lately That I Love....?

Have I told you lately that I love home shows? Not the boring kind in convention centers, but the interesting ones with catchy titles on HGTV. My personal favorite might be "Property Virgins" which follows people who are looking for (but not necessarily **buying**) their first home. Usually, the host asks them for a brief list of things they're looking for in a house. They'll rattle off a generic list like large kitchens, bathtubs, a deck, etc. After watching unhealthy amount of home shows, I've come up with my own list. It's not actually a list of things I'm looking for, but things I don't want in a house.

1. Split-level. One word: ugly.
2. Prominent Garages. Why would you want the most prominent exterior feature to be the garage? When was the last time you said, "Wow. Check out the garage on the left!"
3. Carpet. Anywhere. I actually like vacuuming, but the stuff stains way too easily.
4. Great rooms. What kind of a person wants everything but the bathroom to be in one giant (noisy) room?
5. Chair rails. Useless, useless, useless.
6. Soaring ceilings. Only more space to cool/heat and cobwebs that require ladders to be knocked down. Also, Paul says they make batteries in smoke alarms really hard to change.
7. Fireplaces. Most, okay all, of them are ugly. Maybe if you have an really old, unusually pretty, non-painted brick fireplace, I would still buy your house, but it would be in spite of, not because of.

Now Paul hates, hates, HATES home shows, especially "Property Virgins." But sometimes, on accident, he'll catch a minute or two. Usually, he will only comment on how much he hates them, but tonight, as two newlyweds perused houses, he offered the follow gem: "We will never have a house unless we have kids. Not that I'm trying to blackmail you, it's just two people don't need anymore space them we have now."

Have I told you lately that I love my husband? He's so easily satisfied. I remember back in our last apartment in Provo, he said we could live happily like that forever and he really meant it. He's just always content.

I, on the other hand, now have to convince him that a charming old bungalow, perhaps a craftsman or Spanish revival, is precisely the thing that two people and a cat will eventually need. I don't want to be sixty and still paying rent.

The Land Without Time

Ah, the best part of vacation. Living in the land without time. (Or grammar.) I swear, it's been Saturday for at least five days now. How will I ever go back to school? I lack any/all discipline and I'm pretty sure my brain turned to mush some time after Christmas. What have I been doing with myself you ask? Lazing about and chauffering Paul around. I did a through memory search and he has driven twice--once out of extreme duress. I don't think he'll ever drive again. It occurred to me that it's awfully convenient that the person who has to fly is the one who doesn't mind and the person who has to drive is the one who doesn't mind.

Lazing about pretty much consists of cleaning, organizing, or decorating...well, maybe not decorating. I have an entire giant Rubbermaid container full of stuff for DI or Goodwill or whoever I find first. (I checked, it will be DI. We're on the same road. It's just so easy to get to!) So, we have a lot of free closet space now and I cleaned up the second bedroom, found places for a lot of stuff, put up some shelves, added a utensil rack to the kitchen--which is the cleanest it has ever been, yea even every square inch, framed some things, washed those things that never get washed, etc. I've been a smidge bored you might say.